The last couple of months have been a period of transition for Justin. During his time at Broomfield and at Northwick Park hospital, he had been undergoing extensive assessments and evaluation. If I were to be truly honest, I was hoping, or even expecting, that Justin would make greater improvements than he has done. That's not to say that there has been no progress, in fact far from it, he beat me at Connect 4 the other day then we had a little a sing-a-long to LA woman by the Doors. But the reality is that he still has a long long way to go in all areas, physical, emotional, behavioural, memory etc.
There has been some complications too, on entering Northwick Park Hospital Regional Rehab Unit one month ago, a routine blood test detected a bacteria that is resistant to all known antibiotics. Whilst this is not causing Justin any known problems, tight infection control at the hospital has meant that he's had to remain in isolation the whole time. This has really limited his rehab, especially his physiotherapy as he's been unable to leave his room and use the gym facilities or interact with anyone outside of the visitors that are allowed in his room. We also feel that this has had an adverse effect on his behaviour, staring at the same 4 walls 24 hours a day is enough to send anyone mad.
But it's not all doom and gloom, despite the setbacks, I feel there has been some breakthroughs too. Up until recently, Justin rejected any suggestion of listening to music. Now he is happy to and even chooses the artist or album that he wants to hear, with a bit of guess work on our part. He will even put his arm in the air to sound of his own mixes, thats my boy! There has been improvements in his communication too. He can read remarkably well, two, three word sentences on a good day, names and places, object recognition have all improved too. These are all positive signs and bode well according to his speech and language therapist. We bought Justin an iPad so that he can listen to music, look at photos, watch movies and even check his Facebook when he's ready. It has come in really useful for writing as he finds it easier to write with his finger as opposed to using a pen or pencil. Baring in mind he is using his left hand (he's right handed), he has managed to write several words, some random, some prompted, mostly his own and Brookland's name but nonetheless, readable letters and words. Although limited now, it can only improve with time and will certainly help him communicate more while his speech is still somewhat limited.
Physically, Justin has gained all the weight that he lost in India, he looks a million times better for it. He still has limited movement on his right side but has good movement and co-ordination on his left side. He can eat and drink himself with little assistance and even play Connect 4. I've been encouraging him to do some of these things with his right arm with varying degrees of success, it all depends how relaxed he is at the time.
You may remember a while back, a post where Justin had taken a couple of assisted steps. It was an exciting breakthrough and was possibly the start of some amazing progress. Unfortunately it never really progressed beyond that, but I don't believe it was due to the unwillingness on Justin's part. This all happened in the last week or so at Broomfield Hospital where the pace of rehab slowed down as he was then moved very soon after to Northwick Park. We were led to believe he was to undergo extensive rehab including physio, however, this didn't happen because of the bacteria and the subsequent isolation. So any significant physical improvements slowed right down which was a huge disappointment for everyone.
To sum up Justin's time at Northwick Park, I think I can speak on behalf of all our family, we all feel a bit disappointed. I appreciate that infection control measures have to be in place and enforced in a hospital environment to protect other vulnerable patients but that has come at a price, Justin's rehabilitation has suffered. That's simply not fair on Justin, no matter how you look at at.
Therefore it was with great relief to find out two weeks ago that Justin was to be moved out of Northwick Park and into The Gardens Neurological Center in Sawbridgeworth. This facility specialises in slow stream rehabilitation for patience with serious neurological disorders and specialist needs like Justin's. It is a private facility with treatment funded by the NHS and will offer Justin all the rehabilitation that he'll need to reach his maximum potential. So whilst everyone was preparing for xmas on the 24th December, Justin was being taken by ambulance to his new home where he will most likely be for the next year or possibly more. I'm now in Norway but I saw him just before I left and he was looking forward to the move, he'd also had enough of Northwick Park and had even mentioned to Brookland that he was lonely there. I spoke to Dad yesterday and he said Justin seemed happy and content with his new surroundings. Mum and Dad spent Christmas day with him where apparently he was excited to open his presents. It goes without saying that I'm looking forward to seeing him when I get back on the 30th and witness him using his electric shaver, electric toothbrush and other things that perhaps he would never have bought before but they will certainly help him regain some independence, little by little.
I remember Justin's friend Barney saying something in a post a while back, something about "Justin has been on the minor roads until now, Northwick Park was his highway to recovery". It was a bit more eloquently put than that but whilst Justin may have been on the highway home, he got stuck in the hard shoulder for a bit. The fast lane clearly wasn't for him so he's taking the A roads for a while, there may be more roundabouts and crossroads this way but all roads have to lead to somewhere, and its that somewhere that he'll get to in the end.
C'MON JUSTIN
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Quick Update - 13th September 2012
We are home!!!
After a hellish 14 hour ambulance drive to Mumbai, 5 hour wait in the airport, 9 hour flight to Heathrow and a 90 min drive to Chelmsford, we finally arrived at Broomfield Hospital at 21.30pm. I can honestly say that it was the most emotionally challenging 30 hours of my life, so I can't imagine what it must have been like for Justin. But like everything he has done so far, he dug deep, put a brave face on and came through, Justin you are a LEGEND!
Justin is now settled into his new surroundings and I can't tell you how relieved we all are. On entering ward 125 and meeting Jill Downey, the senior ward sister and all of the other nursing staff, a huge weight fell from my shoulders. But there's no rest for the wicked in there, today he will start his new round of therapies. There's no more 24 hour bedside vigil for us either, with a strict routine and timetable to follow, our visiting times are restricted to 2 sessions per day. This is where the magic happens, I can feel it.
We left the hospital at 23.00pm as there was a hive of activity around Justin's bed. I shed a tear or two but knowing that he is in good hands now!
A special thank you to the Nusi Wockhardt Hospital and a huge thank you to everyone in Goa for their support, fundraising and love, we'll never be able to thank you enough and we'll never forget what you have done for Justin and our family. We love you all XXX. We're now looking forward to seeing some friends here in the UK.
A more detailed update to follow on Justin progress both in the last 2 weeks and over the next few days... once I get some sleep.
C'MON JUSTIN!
After a hellish 14 hour ambulance drive to Mumbai, 5 hour wait in the airport, 9 hour flight to Heathrow and a 90 min drive to Chelmsford, we finally arrived at Broomfield Hospital at 21.30pm. I can honestly say that it was the most emotionally challenging 30 hours of my life, so I can't imagine what it must have been like for Justin. But like everything he has done so far, he dug deep, put a brave face on and came through, Justin you are a LEGEND!
Justin is now settled into his new surroundings and I can't tell you how relieved we all are. On entering ward 125 and meeting Jill Downey, the senior ward sister and all of the other nursing staff, a huge weight fell from my shoulders. But there's no rest for the wicked in there, today he will start his new round of therapies. There's no more 24 hour bedside vigil for us either, with a strict routine and timetable to follow, our visiting times are restricted to 2 sessions per day. This is where the magic happens, I can feel it.
We left the hospital at 23.00pm as there was a hive of activity around Justin's bed. I shed a tear or two but knowing that he is in good hands now!
A special thank you to the Nusi Wockhardt Hospital and a huge thank you to everyone in Goa for their support, fundraising and love, we'll never be able to thank you enough and we'll never forget what you have done for Justin and our family. We love you all XXX. We're now looking forward to seeing some friends here in the UK.
A more detailed update to follow on Justin progress both in the last 2 weeks and over the next few days... once I get some sleep.
C'MON JUSTIN!
Monday, August 27, 2012
Justin update - 27th August 2012
As I have previously mentioned on the Facebook group, it has been some two months since I have last seen Justin at which time he had been lying immobile in a semi-coma at the government hospital in Panjim, pipes coming from his nose and throat, an absent look in his eyes, deep purple bruising throughout his upper left side, severe swelling of his right arm and, of course, some serious head injuries.
Since then I have been following Justin’s progress, as have we all, through the heartfelt and candid voice of Scott and during several conversations that he and I have shared during the course of my absence from India.
I met Justin several years ago, at a beach party in Palolem. We spoke very briefly yet a quiet friendship developed over the course of that season with the last couple of years being when we got to know each other properly. There began a mutual respect and back up for one another that may have even gone unnoticed by our peers. We wouldn’t see each other or speak for days or weeks at a time but when we did it was for a reason, we wanted to catch up, had things to talk about and we trusted each others thoughts and opinions. This is in my mind as I am on my way to see him.
I am now with Scott as we approach the private hospital where Justin now receives the care that he needs. My heart skips a few beats as Scott prepares me to expect many tears from Justin and I wondered how many tears I may shed myself as I see my mate for the first time since my return to India.
Jan, Justin's mum met me outside of his room and gave me a hug while Scott prepared Justin for my visit. My heartbeat is now galloping from the apprehension that stirs within me, of seeing Justin for myself and to gauge my own thoughts of the progress that he has made. The door to his room opens, Scott comes out and I go in.
The room lights up, as does my heart, as Justin welcomes me with a broad smile, a “Hello mate” and his hand of friendship. His grip was weak but good as we both held firm as I lent down and kissed him on the cheek and receiving a kiss in return.
He maintains eye contact as we speak. There is a fair amount of mumbling between a few perfect words and he seems to understand some of what I am saying but finds it difficult to vocalize his thoughts. He wants to show me what he is able to do on a physical level by stretching his legs out as much as he is able with clear signs of pain. I feel that Justin somehow associates me with physical activity from within his memories when I used to train him.
He spoke constantly throughout my visit although I was unable to decipher much of what he is trying to say but I do believe that he knows what he is saying in his own mind. I find this very frustrating as I desperately want to understand him and cannot imagine how frustrating it might be for him. I shall be honest in saying that at no point did Justin and I have a full conversation. He repeated the odd word within a sentence but I do not think that he always understands what that word might mean.
He did, as Scott said he would, shed a few tears, as did I silently from within. But not from sadness or concern for my dear friend, my tears came from marvel and wonder. Justin may not be speaking fluently and coherently but he certainly is thinking and attempting to convey these thoughts in his mind through his lips. He is moving every limb, some better than others. He is eating solid foods and the pipes from his throat and nose are gone. The purple and swelling are also gone. The wounds to his head have healed well and he has a good crop of hair, still no greys!! For me, the greatest joy was seeing life and awareness within his eyes that were all but vacant not so long ago.
On my second visit to Justin I gave him some one on one physio and then aided the physiotherapist that tends to him each day. I cannot say how my session may have differed from any previous sessions that he has had but I can say that he fought through pain and tiredness every step of the way as if to please me with his efforts which he surely did. He cried out in pain a few times, pushed out an extra rep here and there and cussed me out quite a lot, as he did when I used to train him before so nothing new there!!
Whether one believes in miracles or not one cannot doubt that Justin’s progress is miraculous. I for one believe that the word miraculous will continue to be used as we watch Justin from near and afar as he fights with true grit and determination onwards and upwards, no longer for his life but for the life that he wants to lead.
C’MON JUSTIN!!
Friday, August 24, 2012
Justin update - 24th August 2012
It's been 7 days since my last confession… er I mean update and Justin is still fighting away, surprising everyone with his progress. What's most notable in the last week or so are his vocal abilities, he's gone from whispering and not being heard, to speaking louder and not being understood. Justin has been diagnosed with a condition known as Fluent Aphasia which is a speech and language communication problem caused by damage to the language centers of the brain. The simplest way to describe it is imagine constantly having the words on the tip of your tongue yet not being able to say them. We all know how frustrating that can be and for Justin, it's beginning to show but I'll forgive him for a bit of 'effing and blinding, for now. He was due to start speech therapy this week but the therapist can't talk as she has a sore throat, hmm! Once the treatment starts it should help him connect the dots. He'll get his speech back eventually with some intensive therapy, but he may always have some issues.
He does manage to get the words out sometimes, in fact he gave me a right earful during the physio session yesterday, a sign of things to come I feel. Our friend Max Chandra stepped in to assist today, he's a lot bigger than us so Justin would have thought twice about about telling him to F*** off. We had a little giggle too, we were both watching '2 and A Half Men' and Justin spontaneously starting singing the theme tune "Men, Men Men, Men, Manly Men, Do Do Doo Do Do Doo Do Doo". I thought I'd strike while the iron was hot so I asked him to do the alphabet, I started a,b,c d etc, to which he said "What song is that then?" I replied, "it's the alphabet song of course", he went "oh yeah" and began singing the "alphabet song" but he only got up to G then went back to the theme tune to "2 and A Half Men"
There's a lot been happening outside of the hospital this week too. We have finally got Justin accepted into the Broomfields Hospital in Chelmsford, Essex which by all accounts has a fantastic rehabilitation unit. It's a huge weight off our shoulders and it means we can get the wheels in motion for Justin's repatriation. Medical repatriations don't come cheap apparently and since Justin didn't have any travel or medical insurance, we have to find about £20,000 in the next few weeks, gulp! But in the grand scheme of things, it's only money and by hook or by crook, we'll raise it and get our man back to the UK.
I don't need to keep telling you that I'm blown away daily by the kindness and generosity of Justin's friends old and new, and strangers near and far. The level of love and support that we have seen and felt is immeasurable. Sometimes Justin seems so confused, afraid and alone but I know he's not, he has you all, he's in your thoughts and in your hearts and I tell him this always. I'm so proud of you mate. C'MON JUSTIN… you can do this, you are doing this.
This weekend is a special one, Saturday night is the 444 Fundraiser at Westbourne Studios in London. Some of Justin's close friends have put on a fundraising extravaganza to rival anything in London on the same night. Great venue, Superstar DJ's including the Silent Noise resident DJ's plus special guest Justin Robertson from Lionrock, amazing raffle and auction prizes but most importantly a bunch of people all coming together for an incredible cause. If you're going, I hope you have a terrific night. If your Saturday night is still not decided, get yourself down to Westbourne Studios in London or if you can't make it then you can still take part and win some amazing prizes. All the details are here.
http://444justin.blogspot.in/p/444-fundraiser-250812.html
I really wish I could be there, to thank you all for everything that you've done for Justin over the last couple of months but sadly I can't make it, I've got an evening planned in front of the TV with Justin watching 2 and a Half Men and eating alphabet spaghetti.
He does manage to get the words out sometimes, in fact he gave me a right earful during the physio session yesterday, a sign of things to come I feel. Our friend Max Chandra stepped in to assist today, he's a lot bigger than us so Justin would have thought twice about about telling him to F*** off. We had a little giggle too, we were both watching '2 and A Half Men' and Justin spontaneously starting singing the theme tune "Men, Men Men, Men, Manly Men, Do Do Doo Do Do Doo Do Doo". I thought I'd strike while the iron was hot so I asked him to do the alphabet, I started a,b,c d etc, to which he said "What song is that then?" I replied, "it's the alphabet song of course", he went "oh yeah" and began singing the "alphabet song" but he only got up to G then went back to the theme tune to "2 and A Half Men"
There's a lot been happening outside of the hospital this week too. We have finally got Justin accepted into the Broomfields Hospital in Chelmsford, Essex which by all accounts has a fantastic rehabilitation unit. It's a huge weight off our shoulders and it means we can get the wheels in motion for Justin's repatriation. Medical repatriations don't come cheap apparently and since Justin didn't have any travel or medical insurance, we have to find about £20,000 in the next few weeks, gulp! But in the grand scheme of things, it's only money and by hook or by crook, we'll raise it and get our man back to the UK.
I don't need to keep telling you that I'm blown away daily by the kindness and generosity of Justin's friends old and new, and strangers near and far. The level of love and support that we have seen and felt is immeasurable. Sometimes Justin seems so confused, afraid and alone but I know he's not, he has you all, he's in your thoughts and in your hearts and I tell him this always. I'm so proud of you mate. C'MON JUSTIN… you can do this, you are doing this.
This weekend is a special one, Saturday night is the 444 Fundraiser at Westbourne Studios in London. Some of Justin's close friends have put on a fundraising extravaganza to rival anything in London on the same night. Great venue, Superstar DJ's including the Silent Noise resident DJ's plus special guest Justin Robertson from Lionrock, amazing raffle and auction prizes but most importantly a bunch of people all coming together for an incredible cause. If you're going, I hope you have a terrific night. If your Saturday night is still not decided, get yourself down to Westbourne Studios in London or if you can't make it then you can still take part and win some amazing prizes. All the details are here.
http://444justin.blogspot.in/p/444-fundraiser-250812.html
I really wish I could be there, to thank you all for everything that you've done for Justin over the last couple of months but sadly I can't make it, I've got an evening planned in front of the TV with Justin watching 2 and a Half Men and eating alphabet spaghetti.
 |
| Where it all began. Me and Justin at the Laughing Buddha, Palolem Beach, Goa, 2004 |
Friday, August 17, 2012
Justin update - 17th August 2012
I was going to start with a heart warming story about how Justin came to my rescue several years ago after I had a motorbike accident in Nepal, it's a funny story but I'll save it for another time. I just wanted this update to simply be about the huge leaps forward that Justin has made in the last 3 weeks. Has it been three weeks since my last update? Where does the time go?
We've accepted that Justin's progress cannot be measured in days or even weeks, realistically we're looking at a month on month basis to notice any real significant improvements. Thats not to say things are not happening daily, they are and no matter how small, a movement of a toe, a new memory, a followed command, a flex of the ankle, a laugh and even a little wave goodbye, they are all milestones for Justin.
I've been procrastinating over this latest update for many reasons. The last few weeks have been 'emotional' for want of a better word, especially for Justin. It was inevitable that as he moved closer to the surface, he would start to realise the severity of his situation. We all have them occasionally, but I would imagine that Justin's 'moments of clarity' are not filled with the joyous wonders of life and all things bright and beautiful. He wakes up daily to the horrifying fact that he can't move his arms or legs, feels pain where he didn't before, can't remember names or places, can't express himself or communicate in the way that he should be able to and feels frustrated that we can't understand him, I could go on. For Justin his awakening is proving to be the nightmare come true that we all fear for ourselves and our loved ones.
But we shouldn't dwell on the negative, the big changes from 3 weeks ago is that Justin is now able to express his emotions, he has dug deep and found the strength to challenge his paralysis, his brain is working overtime firing new signals, making new connections, performing new functions and taking over old ones. He is trying to communicate more using his voice, the faint whispering is slowly being replaced with a more coherent chatter, words and sentences flow at times, conversations can even be held, with a little prompting here and there. However, he doesn't always make sense, there's a lot of guesswork, the gap between what Justin is thinking and what he is actually saying still needs to be bridged but there's definitely more comprehension. Justin is now well aware of his situation and knows that he's got mountains to climb to overcome it. And that is the big breakthrough!
I now look back at the video of the first thumb wrestling in sheer wonderment, it's astonishing what the human body can go through and even more so, how it can repair. We were told some cold hard truths about Justin's condition and the bleakness of his prognosis, and yet he seems to be defying all the odds. We've heard the doctors say "He's doing better than expected" and "…better in 6 weeks than other patients in 6 months…", I've even heard Dr Doom, who I'm warming too a little, confess "…I didn't expect this!" after he was told about Justin talking. I shouldn't mock Dr Doom, he, like all of the staff at the hospital are incredible (I now know they read this blog :) and I'm so grateful to them for all that they are doing, not just for Justin but for our entire family.
One of the toughest things we've had to consider over the last few weeks has been when to introduce new visitors for Justin. We had come close several times and when presented this to him, he had either been very negative or his reaction was difficult to gauge, so we've backed off and waited for a different moment. We wanted to ensure that it was for all the right reasons. It needed to simply be for Justin, to know that his friends are there for him, to offer him comfort, support and reassurances and to tell him they loved him, which they all obviously would, but he needed to be comfortable with his own self. In the last week, Justin seemed a lot more receptive to the idea, and as a result a couple of Justin's closest friends have spent some quality time with him, it was magical to see the spark of recognition in his face as soon as he set eyes on them. It's also brought a lot of emotions to the surface and there has been a few tears from all involved. But hey, there's nothing wrong with a couple of grown men crying, sometimes it's good to let the boo hoos out.
At some point soon, Justin will require less hospitalisation and more specialist therapies. As much as we admire the hospital, the facilities and all the staff here, it's important that Justin return to the UK soon to continue his treatment there. Our parents obviously need to get back to their lives in the UK, and myself, Anita and Talo will most likely take a year out of our lives in Nepal and return to the UK with Justin too. Plans are currently being made for his repatriation and admission to a hospital, this could happen in about 4 weeks from now.
Today after probably one of the most most grueling physio sessions he's had, we got Justin into the wheelchair where I wanted to take him outside for a bit of fresh air. Two days ago I had brought in his favourite purple shirt, as he sat in the chair, I draped it around his shoulders and we set off for the great outdoors. In truth, there wasn't a great deal of fresh air, it was humid and sticky and the sun was beating down on us but it didn't matter, Justin looked good, the best he's looked in weeks. But there was still something missing, then I realised, he would never have left the house in broad daylight without his sunglasses. What was I thinking? Sorry Justin, my mistake, I'll remember tomorrow, I promise
444 Fundraiser.
Justin's friends are holding a special charity event in London on the 25.08.12 to raise a glass and a few quid for Justin's medical and rehabilitation needs.
They have put together an incredible collection of prizes that can be won won via a raffle or auction.
If you're in London the night before Notting Hill Carnival, get yourself over to Westbourne Studios where none other than Justin Robertson will be rocking the tunes for the cause.
If you can't make the event, you can still buy raffle tickets or place a bid to win an amazing prize.
Please click on the link to find out how it all works and see the list of prizes on offer.
http://444justin.blogspot.in/p/444-fundraiser-250812.html
C'MON JUSTIN...
Monday, July 30, 2012
Justin update - 30th July 2012
It's been several days now since my last update, the longest gap since I started writing it. I could just write one liners each day but I'll end up repeating myself, I also don't want to dwell on the not so good days. We all have bad days from time to time, and Justin is no different. By allowing a few days or a week to go by, I can focus on the improvements and not the setbacks, of which there are few to be honest.
In the last few days I've been feeling a little guilty about even writing these updates. Despite the image that you may have of Justin, the ever youthful looking 24 hour party person who revels in the limelight and lives a hedonistic lifestyle many of us left behind years ago. There is a softer gentle side to Justin, a very sensitive and private person, a thinker, a man of few words who is happy in his own company. He chooses to live alone, he works out in his gym, mixes music in his studio and cycles daily to keep himself in shape and probably to gather his thoughts. Would Justin want his story published for the world to see? He might have reservations but I'm hoping he'll understand my reasons. However I've decided, until he tells me to stop, to continue to write it. But rather commiserate on the accident, his injuries and the long and arduous road ahead. I want this to be a celebration of Justin, who he is, who he'll become, but most of all, this extraordinary recovery that we are all witness to. I've always said, and Justin will agree with me, it didn't mater how many times he fell in shit, he'd always come up smelling of roses. So we can all expect a lovely rosy smelling Justin to come rising up at the end of this unfortunate little tumble.
To see Justin now is like looking at a different person from a week ago. He is more awake than asleep during the day, his eyes are alert and responsive, the thousand yard stare has been replaced with a look of curiosity and wonder. His mind is working overtime, trying to piece all of the parts together, faces, names, places, pictures, sounds. At times there is even a sparkle in his eye. Justin is now free from all tubes and is taking all food through his mouth including some solids. His tracheotomy hole is completely healed, and although still sore, he is vocalising more and more, much of which is still mumbling but I'm beginning to hear some words other than Yes and No. His physio is taxing but he knows it needs to be done and will really concentrate and try to follow the commands when asked. His left arm and hand movements are improving daily and even in the last 2 days he has moved his right hand, a massive breakthrough. His legs are tense and tight which makes physio on them more of a challenge but I'm confident this will come with more work. I find that doing the exercises with him is the most rewarding part of the day for both of us, we fought and trained together as kids so I know that he won't object to me pushing him on now. I really feel that he's aware of his situation at times and knows that he's got to do it for his own sake.
He's now able to sit up almost unaided, so much so that he's been in a wheelchair and even taken on a sightseeing tour of the hospital corridors, much to the delight of the nursing staff from the ICU who all came out to see him. At one point there was about 20 smiling nurses standing around him, they love him here, who wouldn't.
Justin's daughter Brookland arrived a couple of days ago, I can't tell you how tough it's been for her but she's been a true star. It's been an emotional time and without doubt one of he hardest things she's had to deal with but she handled the situation with aplomb. We had been telling Justin for weeks that Brookland was coming and when he saw her walk through the door, his face lit up and he smiled from ear to ear. She leaned over her dad to give him a hug, he bent his head forward to kiss her, It was all too much for me, I had to leave the room. About 5 minutes later she rushed out to tell me that when she told him she loved him, he replied as clear as day "I love you too"
C'MON JUSTIN...
In the last few days I've been feeling a little guilty about even writing these updates. Despite the image that you may have of Justin, the ever youthful looking 24 hour party person who revels in the limelight and lives a hedonistic lifestyle many of us left behind years ago. There is a softer gentle side to Justin, a very sensitive and private person, a thinker, a man of few words who is happy in his own company. He chooses to live alone, he works out in his gym, mixes music in his studio and cycles daily to keep himself in shape and probably to gather his thoughts. Would Justin want his story published for the world to see? He might have reservations but I'm hoping he'll understand my reasons. However I've decided, until he tells me to stop, to continue to write it. But rather commiserate on the accident, his injuries and the long and arduous road ahead. I want this to be a celebration of Justin, who he is, who he'll become, but most of all, this extraordinary recovery that we are all witness to. I've always said, and Justin will agree with me, it didn't mater how many times he fell in shit, he'd always come up smelling of roses. So we can all expect a lovely rosy smelling Justin to come rising up at the end of this unfortunate little tumble.
To see Justin now is like looking at a different person from a week ago. He is more awake than asleep during the day, his eyes are alert and responsive, the thousand yard stare has been replaced with a look of curiosity and wonder. His mind is working overtime, trying to piece all of the parts together, faces, names, places, pictures, sounds. At times there is even a sparkle in his eye. Justin is now free from all tubes and is taking all food through his mouth including some solids. His tracheotomy hole is completely healed, and although still sore, he is vocalising more and more, much of which is still mumbling but I'm beginning to hear some words other than Yes and No. His physio is taxing but he knows it needs to be done and will really concentrate and try to follow the commands when asked. His left arm and hand movements are improving daily and even in the last 2 days he has moved his right hand, a massive breakthrough. His legs are tense and tight which makes physio on them more of a challenge but I'm confident this will come with more work. I find that doing the exercises with him is the most rewarding part of the day for both of us, we fought and trained together as kids so I know that he won't object to me pushing him on now. I really feel that he's aware of his situation at times and knows that he's got to do it for his own sake.
He's now able to sit up almost unaided, so much so that he's been in a wheelchair and even taken on a sightseeing tour of the hospital corridors, much to the delight of the nursing staff from the ICU who all came out to see him. At one point there was about 20 smiling nurses standing around him, they love him here, who wouldn't.
Justin's daughter Brookland arrived a couple of days ago, I can't tell you how tough it's been for her but she's been a true star. It's been an emotional time and without doubt one of he hardest things she's had to deal with but she handled the situation with aplomb. We had been telling Justin for weeks that Brookland was coming and when he saw her walk through the door, his face lit up and he smiled from ear to ear. She leaned over her dad to give him a hug, he bent his head forward to kiss her, It was all too much for me, I had to leave the room. About 5 minutes later she rushed out to tell me that when she told him she loved him, he replied as clear as day "I love you too"
C'MON JUSTIN...
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Justin update - 24th July 2012
With every day that passes, we're moving further away from the tragic event that got us here and edging closer towards facing the enormity of the challenges that lie ahead. It's a scary road and one that none of us were prepared for. We have too many questions, there are so many uncertainties, we can't plan for anything or expect anything and since we're all outside of our country of residence it makes all of these things even harder to bare. Despite all of this, it's amazing what the human spirit can cope with, how we can change, adapt and move forward. Life literally just goes on, it just has to doesn't it.
I'm finding it harder to write daily updates for Justin, simply because there seems to be few significant changes from 1 day to the next. For every 2 good days, we seem to have a bad day, or shall we say less good one. Over the last few days, Justin's blood pressure had risen to a worrying level, it's now down close to normal again but it's unclear as to why this happened. His daily physio sessions are proving to be physically demanding on him, he seems exhausted and just wants to sleep afterwards, this makes it tough to engage him in any other form of interaction. The doctors are trying hard to assess his level of comprehension, I believe it's improving daily in terms of what he is able to understand. He is able to express himself through some movements, nodding or shaking his head, facial movements etc but other than a croaky "Yeah" and "No", I've still seen no evidence that he can talk as yet, although he is trying harder every day. He's not a great talker anyway so I'm not expecting much even when he does. One of the highlights for me is seeing some glimpses of his personality through his facial expressions, it makes my day!
For the past few days I've found myself asking, are we doing enough for Justin? At this stage of his recovery, is there more we should be doing to improve his levels of comprehension? What would stimulate Justin's senses? Is he getting enough physio? What areas should we be focussing on? What about drugs, is he on the right ones? etc etc, I could go on and on. Consultations with his Neurologist do provide some answers but it still doesn't stop me wondering. I feel we need to seize every moment, especially at this crucial time when it seems Justin is yearning for positive interactions. We need to find a balance of what's best for Justin and what he is comfortable with. Pushing him in the direction that he's moving in but not to the point where he begins to withdraw. I guess at the end of the day, in the grand scheme of things, it's still only just over a week since he emerged from his coma and just over 4 weeks since he went into it. So in the words of yet another doctor "It will take some time" I can't tell you how many times I've heard that sentence in the last month.
444:
What's all this 444 fuss I hear you ask? Well in a nutshell, Ever since we were kids Justin has had this mild obsession with the numbers 444. He would see the combination of numbers on a regular basis and would even wake me up at 4:44am to tell me. We were as young as 8 and 10 or something. This continued through his childhood all the way to adult hood. I can't say how often Justin sees this combination of numbers, maybe he's looking for them, maybe he just notices them, maybe he's been setting his alarm at 4:44am everyday since we were kids, who knows, it's his favourite number and who are we to argue. After the accident, a few of his friends were posting 444 pictures and messages on Facebook, someone posted a link to a website for numerology meanings where I discovered that if one is seeing the numbers 444 it suggest that you are surrounded by angels, they are there with you and at times of need one needs to ask them for help. Well, they weren't there when he ploughed into a cow on his scooter 4 weeks ago but it seems somebody came to his aide, maybe they were Justin's angles and maybe they have been with him ever since. Strangely though, I too have been seeing a few 444's lately and there's no way I'm setting my alarm clock at that time in the morning.
Back in the summer of 2009 Justin and a few friends, built a small recording studio and made some music.
Below is a link to one of the tracks they produced. It's a cracking breaks track with a cheeky baseline, some wicked vocals and a funky guitar riff!
The track priced at £2.00+ is being re-released and all proceeds go towards Justin's ongoing rehabilitation. Why not throw in the price of a beer too, Justin would appreciate that.
Please BUY THE TRACK, and share this link far and wide with everyone you know... Let's see how much we can raise!
Click here to download the track.
Rebel Royal & Justin Mason - Backdoor Kicker (fundraiser edit)
DOWNLOAD NOW
C'MON JUSTIN...
I'm finding it harder to write daily updates for Justin, simply because there seems to be few significant changes from 1 day to the next. For every 2 good days, we seem to have a bad day, or shall we say less good one. Over the last few days, Justin's blood pressure had risen to a worrying level, it's now down close to normal again but it's unclear as to why this happened. His daily physio sessions are proving to be physically demanding on him, he seems exhausted and just wants to sleep afterwards, this makes it tough to engage him in any other form of interaction. The doctors are trying hard to assess his level of comprehension, I believe it's improving daily in terms of what he is able to understand. He is able to express himself through some movements, nodding or shaking his head, facial movements etc but other than a croaky "Yeah" and "No", I've still seen no evidence that he can talk as yet, although he is trying harder every day. He's not a great talker anyway so I'm not expecting much even when he does. One of the highlights for me is seeing some glimpses of his personality through his facial expressions, it makes my day!
For the past few days I've found myself asking, are we doing enough for Justin? At this stage of his recovery, is there more we should be doing to improve his levels of comprehension? What would stimulate Justin's senses? Is he getting enough physio? What areas should we be focussing on? What about drugs, is he on the right ones? etc etc, I could go on and on. Consultations with his Neurologist do provide some answers but it still doesn't stop me wondering. I feel we need to seize every moment, especially at this crucial time when it seems Justin is yearning for positive interactions. We need to find a balance of what's best for Justin and what he is comfortable with. Pushing him in the direction that he's moving in but not to the point where he begins to withdraw. I guess at the end of the day, in the grand scheme of things, it's still only just over a week since he emerged from his coma and just over 4 weeks since he went into it. So in the words of yet another doctor "It will take some time" I can't tell you how many times I've heard that sentence in the last month.
444:
What's all this 444 fuss I hear you ask? Well in a nutshell, Ever since we were kids Justin has had this mild obsession with the numbers 444. He would see the combination of numbers on a regular basis and would even wake me up at 4:44am to tell me. We were as young as 8 and 10 or something. This continued through his childhood all the way to adult hood. I can't say how often Justin sees this combination of numbers, maybe he's looking for them, maybe he just notices them, maybe he's been setting his alarm at 4:44am everyday since we were kids, who knows, it's his favourite number and who are we to argue. After the accident, a few of his friends were posting 444 pictures and messages on Facebook, someone posted a link to a website for numerology meanings where I discovered that if one is seeing the numbers 444 it suggest that you are surrounded by angels, they are there with you and at times of need one needs to ask them for help. Well, they weren't there when he ploughed into a cow on his scooter 4 weeks ago but it seems somebody came to his aide, maybe they were Justin's angles and maybe they have been with him ever since. Strangely though, I too have been seeing a few 444's lately and there's no way I'm setting my alarm clock at that time in the morning.
Below is a link to one of the tracks they produced. It's a cracking breaks track with a cheeky baseline, some wicked vocals and a funky guitar riff!
The track priced at £2.00+ is being re-released and all proceeds go towards Justin's ongoing rehabilitation. Why not throw in the price of a beer too, Justin would appreciate that.
Please BUY THE TRACK, and share this link far and wide with everyone you know... Let's see how much we can raise!
Click here to download the track.
Rebel Royal & Justin Mason - Backdoor Kicker (fundraiser edit)
DOWNLOAD NOW
C'MON JUSTIN...
Friday, July 20, 2012
Justin update - 20th July 2012
I still find myself crying about 5 times a day, not wailing like widow at a funeral, just welling up, lump in the throat, quivery lip, watery eyes. I'm actually in a better state emotionally than I thought I would be to be honest. Nothing prepares you for you this kind of event, nothing at all. You have to dig deep and draw strength from places that you never knew you had and learn new skills that you never imagined you would need. I've always considered myself to be a strong person, to be able to cope with most situations that life throws at you, but this has put it all into perspective. I cry now, partly because it's still so difficult to see our irrepressible Justin lying there so seemingly helpless, we are all still facing the reality of what has happened and what challenges lie ahead, but more so, because I'm so in awe of Justin's immeasurable strength and determination. It takes me aback every day I see him, I'm overwhelmed with emotion when I witness the slightest of improvement from the previous day, a raised eyebrow, a smile, a simple command followed. I'm filled with pride when I look into his eyes and I see the sheer grit and will power that is driving his recovery forward. I would never have chosen to be a part of this experience, not in a million years, but since I am, I feel privileged to be a witness to it. I'm welling up now even writing about it.
Justin has now been out of ICU for 3 days and I feel that we can finally put that episode of his life behind us. Since then Justin has made some real leaps and bounds, partly because we're all now able to spend a lot more time with him but mainly because he's becoming aware of his surroundings and knows that this is where his recovery will move forward. The hospital and the nurses are absolutely first class here. Even though we keep a 24 hour vigil, it's not mandatory but the nurses are never far away and are always popping in to do something. I think they've all taken a bit of a shine to him, who wouldn't. He knows how to work that smile and this morning he gave me the biggest one yet when I played him a video clip of Barney, Oz and Karan at Wembley, it gave me goosebumps and brought a lump to my throat for the 3rd time today already.
As you know, I've been cautious about reporting on significant changes or improvements, at least until I can either witness them for myself or confirm that they can be repeated. I've done this because I've been trying to give a balanced overview of Justin's progress. As his brother, this has been one of the hardest things to do but I feel that it's important to keep things in perspective, not just for us but for the hundreds of people that love and care about Justin who aren't here to witness things on a day to day basis. It's helping me cope, I hope I've got the balance right.
In the last 2 days, I've seen Justin much more awake with eyes wide open. When he's awake he's more focused and actually wants to engage in interactions. When talking to him, I feel that he can understand us if we speak slowly and clearly. He'll even follow simple commands and will happily nod his head for a Yes and shake it for a No. I don't believe he understands the questions all the time though, It’s clearly taking a lot of time and effort for the messages to compute then to relay some kind of response. There is still a lot mumbling and it's getting louder but I’ve still not heard him say a sentence or phrase, although I have witnessed how the nurses use suggestive techniques to try to get him to mimic sounds, then congratulate him when his mumbled sounds like the sound or phrase that they suggest. This makes sense to me, since Justin is clearly having thoughts and believes that he is conveying those thoughts to us in a language that we should be able to understand, it’s then important for us to reinforce that, otherwise he may become more confused and even give up trying. Of course I'm no expert here but these are merely my observations.
Justin is known for his great repertoire of facial expressions and in the last 2 days, especially today, I've seen him use them more and more. We're even having our own little conversations just using the expressions, mainly the raised eyebrows "What to do?" as if to say "I've really gone and done it this time" expression, it's brilliant to see as it sort of suggests that he has an understanding of what's happened and where he is, in fact I'm convinced of it. Strangely the thumb wrestling has been sidelined, he still does if coerced but it's almost like he's saying, "Been there, done that, now lets move on to something more challenging". Justin doesn't shy away from a bit of hard graft, so this morning the nurses and I put him through his paces during the physio session. We're trying to get him to focus on his right side, since his left side of the brain is damaged. He is currently refusing to acknowledge his right side, his head and eye movements are all focused on the left side. Anyhow, he did show signs of resistance in both his right arm and leg so it's something to work on. His left side however is improving daily and will now consistently follow simple commands as you can see from the video.
One of the best things about the last couple of days is seeing Justin sitting up on the edge of the bed. Ok so even though he didn't get there by himself, I'm sure it's a relief not to be lying down the whole time. Apart from being great exercise for his neck and back muscles, it makes a huge difference to his morale. You should have seen the look on mums face when she walked through the door to see me and Justin sitting side by side on the bed with our arms round each other, absolutely priceless. It's remarkable to think that just 4 weeks ago he was fighting for his life, now he's perched on the edge of the bed, albeit with a bit of assistance, taking sips of water from a cup while all I can manage is to wipe a tear away from my cheek and raise an eyebrow in sheer wonderment.
C'MON JUSTIN…
Justin has now been out of ICU for 3 days and I feel that we can finally put that episode of his life behind us. Since then Justin has made some real leaps and bounds, partly because we're all now able to spend a lot more time with him but mainly because he's becoming aware of his surroundings and knows that this is where his recovery will move forward. The hospital and the nurses are absolutely first class here. Even though we keep a 24 hour vigil, it's not mandatory but the nurses are never far away and are always popping in to do something. I think they've all taken a bit of a shine to him, who wouldn't. He knows how to work that smile and this morning he gave me the biggest one yet when I played him a video clip of Barney, Oz and Karan at Wembley, it gave me goosebumps and brought a lump to my throat for the 3rd time today already.
As you know, I've been cautious about reporting on significant changes or improvements, at least until I can either witness them for myself or confirm that they can be repeated. I've done this because I've been trying to give a balanced overview of Justin's progress. As his brother, this has been one of the hardest things to do but I feel that it's important to keep things in perspective, not just for us but for the hundreds of people that love and care about Justin who aren't here to witness things on a day to day basis. It's helping me cope, I hope I've got the balance right.
In the last 2 days, I've seen Justin much more awake with eyes wide open. When he's awake he's more focused and actually wants to engage in interactions. When talking to him, I feel that he can understand us if we speak slowly and clearly. He'll even follow simple commands and will happily nod his head for a Yes and shake it for a No. I don't believe he understands the questions all the time though, It’s clearly taking a lot of time and effort for the messages to compute then to relay some kind of response. There is still a lot mumbling and it's getting louder but I’ve still not heard him say a sentence or phrase, although I have witnessed how the nurses use suggestive techniques to try to get him to mimic sounds, then congratulate him when his mumbled sounds like the sound or phrase that they suggest. This makes sense to me, since Justin is clearly having thoughts and believes that he is conveying those thoughts to us in a language that we should be able to understand, it’s then important for us to reinforce that, otherwise he may become more confused and even give up trying. Of course I'm no expert here but these are merely my observations.
Justin is known for his great repertoire of facial expressions and in the last 2 days, especially today, I've seen him use them more and more. We're even having our own little conversations just using the expressions, mainly the raised eyebrows "What to do?" as if to say "I've really gone and done it this time" expression, it's brilliant to see as it sort of suggests that he has an understanding of what's happened and where he is, in fact I'm convinced of it. Strangely the thumb wrestling has been sidelined, he still does if coerced but it's almost like he's saying, "Been there, done that, now lets move on to something more challenging". Justin doesn't shy away from a bit of hard graft, so this morning the nurses and I put him through his paces during the physio session. We're trying to get him to focus on his right side, since his left side of the brain is damaged. He is currently refusing to acknowledge his right side, his head and eye movements are all focused on the left side. Anyhow, he did show signs of resistance in both his right arm and leg so it's something to work on. His left side however is improving daily and will now consistently follow simple commands as you can see from the video.
One of the best things about the last couple of days is seeing Justin sitting up on the edge of the bed. Ok so even though he didn't get there by himself, I'm sure it's a relief not to be lying down the whole time. Apart from being great exercise for his neck and back muscles, it makes a huge difference to his morale. You should have seen the look on mums face when she walked through the door to see me and Justin sitting side by side on the bed with our arms round each other, absolutely priceless. It's remarkable to think that just 4 weeks ago he was fighting for his life, now he's perched on the edge of the bed, albeit with a bit of assistance, taking sips of water from a cup while all I can manage is to wipe a tear away from my cheek and raise an eyebrow in sheer wonderment.
C'MON JUSTIN…
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Justin update - 17th July 2012
The big news today, and for the second time since his accident 27 days ago, Justin has now been moved from the ICU. But this time, he wasn't shoved along a dirty corridor, dodging dog shit and rain puddles then dumped in Ward 108. For this move we held hands whilst his bed glided across the smooth polished floors, along the bright and airy hallway towards room 269. A private room with views across the green grassy fields, cable TV, en-suit and a spare bed for us to sleep on. Justin is finally somewhere where we can all focus on the next stage of his recovery, where he can feel more comfortable and relaxed in his surroundings.
I have a good feeling about this phase and I think Justin does too. Dad was telling him about his rather unfortunate day yesterday, first he tripped over the back door step, hurting his shoulder and ribs, he then left the house and forgot about the dog meat cooking away on the stove, returning an hour later to a house full of smoke and 2 bewildered dogs staring at a pot of charred meat. Lastly, and he blames me, for making him shave his hair off so he could look like his 2 sons. I admit, it was my suggestion but I didn't expect him to go through with it. Justin then flashed Dad one of his magic smiles, you know the type. Proof that despite all of this, he's still got his sense of humour.
Now that Justin is in his own room, we'll be keeping a 24 hour bedside vigil. Mum is with him now, she'll be spending the night and Dad will relieve her tomorrow morning. I won't get to see Justin until tomorrow afternoon as I have to go and try to convince the Foreigners Registration Office to issue extensions for all of our visa's, lets hope they have a heart, wish me luck.
Good night Justin, sleep well mate, when you open your eyes tomorrow morning, you'll be staring out across the grassy fields and you can look forward to us driving you mad all day long. I hope for your sake the pretty nurse still comes to visit you.
C'MON JUSTIN
I have a good feeling about this phase and I think Justin does too. Dad was telling him about his rather unfortunate day yesterday, first he tripped over the back door step, hurting his shoulder and ribs, he then left the house and forgot about the dog meat cooking away on the stove, returning an hour later to a house full of smoke and 2 bewildered dogs staring at a pot of charred meat. Lastly, and he blames me, for making him shave his hair off so he could look like his 2 sons. I admit, it was my suggestion but I didn't expect him to go through with it. Justin then flashed Dad one of his magic smiles, you know the type. Proof that despite all of this, he's still got his sense of humour.
Now that Justin is in his own room, we'll be keeping a 24 hour bedside vigil. Mum is with him now, she'll be spending the night and Dad will relieve her tomorrow morning. I won't get to see Justin until tomorrow afternoon as I have to go and try to convince the Foreigners Registration Office to issue extensions for all of our visa's, lets hope they have a heart, wish me luck.
Good night Justin, sleep well mate, when you open your eyes tomorrow morning, you'll be staring out across the grassy fields and you can look forward to us driving you mad all day long. I hope for your sake the pretty nurse still comes to visit you.
C'MON JUSTIN
Monday, July 16, 2012
Justin update - 16th July 2012
I had not seen Justin for 2 days, I was a little sick yesterday so decided to skip the visits and not risk breathing germs all over him. Therefore I was anxious to get to see him tonight, especially with all the great news that Janie has been reporting lately. I've decided that from now on, my updates will only reflect the opinions and experiences of myself, Mum and Dad as we are seemingly seeing and feeling the same things. Don't get me wrong, I am by no means discrediting anybody else's interpretations of Justin's progress, it's just that with only 1 person at his bedside at a time, it makes it difficult to verify.
In the last couple of days we have seen Justin a lot more awake than he has been previously. This is really encouraging to see, his eyes are wider and more alert, he has more focus, he is tracking movements and even managing a couple of different expressions, a smile, raised eyebrows. His chest infection has pretty much gone, the tube has been removed from his throat and is now being allowed to heal. He still has a slight dry cough but nothing like before, it's also provoking his swallow reflexes which I don't think he was doing before. The thumb wrestling is still going strong but we haven't had a bout quite as good as the first round we had. I've been trying to use the thumb wrestling to provoke YES or NO responses, i.e pushing on the thumb as a YES and simply not doing anything as a NO, but first I needed him to understand that the pushing is a positive. I tried to show him this tonight by smiling and saying YESSSS when he pushed and saying NO when he didn't push. I think with a little more time he'll get it but 30 min is not really sufficient. Surely there's a Cognitive Therapy For Dummies book out there.
Now that his tube is out and the tracheotomy hole is beginning to heal, Justin is able to vocalise a lot more. His attempts to communicate verbally are becoming increasingly more apparent and although still a croak, his voice is becoming louder by the day. As much as myself, Mum and Dad would love to hear him string a three word sentence together or even one comprehensible word, we haven't managed to decipher anything as yet. Obviously with all the talk of Justin "talking" this is becoming very difficult for all 3 of us.
Tonight was my first 30 min session with Justin since Saturday, I was elated to see him looking at me as I approached his bed. I could see his lips moving, it was as if I was about to have a normal conversation with him, obviously I didn't expect that but thats what it felt like. As I got closer I struggled to hear any sound, just a mere whisper, I tried to listen hard and even lip read but just couldn't make out anything. Justin then coughed, cleared his throat and viola, some audible sounds came out. I studied his lips, listened hard but still couldn't get anything. I asked him some simple questions but before long he'd lost his focus and drifted off. The times that he was looking and trying to communicate, he seemed anxious, he obviously has thoughts that he needs to convey but to mine and my parents ears, it's mumbo jumbo at the moment. But, I'll take mumbo jumbo, we all started out by talking bollocks, and some have a habit of spouting it even now.
In the last couple of days we have seen Justin a lot more awake than he has been previously. This is really encouraging to see, his eyes are wider and more alert, he has more focus, he is tracking movements and even managing a couple of different expressions, a smile, raised eyebrows. His chest infection has pretty much gone, the tube has been removed from his throat and is now being allowed to heal. He still has a slight dry cough but nothing like before, it's also provoking his swallow reflexes which I don't think he was doing before. The thumb wrestling is still going strong but we haven't had a bout quite as good as the first round we had. I've been trying to use the thumb wrestling to provoke YES or NO responses, i.e pushing on the thumb as a YES and simply not doing anything as a NO, but first I needed him to understand that the pushing is a positive. I tried to show him this tonight by smiling and saying YESSSS when he pushed and saying NO when he didn't push. I think with a little more time he'll get it but 30 min is not really sufficient. Surely there's a Cognitive Therapy For Dummies book out there.
Now that his tube is out and the tracheotomy hole is beginning to heal, Justin is able to vocalise a lot more. His attempts to communicate verbally are becoming increasingly more apparent and although still a croak, his voice is becoming louder by the day. As much as myself, Mum and Dad would love to hear him string a three word sentence together or even one comprehensible word, we haven't managed to decipher anything as yet. Obviously with all the talk of Justin "talking" this is becoming very difficult for all 3 of us.
Tonight was my first 30 min session with Justin since Saturday, I was elated to see him looking at me as I approached his bed. I could see his lips moving, it was as if I was about to have a normal conversation with him, obviously I didn't expect that but thats what it felt like. As I got closer I struggled to hear any sound, just a mere whisper, I tried to listen hard and even lip read but just couldn't make out anything. Justin then coughed, cleared his throat and viola, some audible sounds came out. I studied his lips, listened hard but still couldn't get anything. I asked him some simple questions but before long he'd lost his focus and drifted off. The times that he was looking and trying to communicate, he seemed anxious, he obviously has thoughts that he needs to convey but to mine and my parents ears, it's mumbo jumbo at the moment. But, I'll take mumbo jumbo, we all started out by talking bollocks, and some have a habit of spouting it even now.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Justin update - 14th July 2012
I still can't put into words how yesterdays thumb wrestling made me feel, it was so incredibly powerful and intense that my mind just emptied of all thoughts and my body didn't feel like my own, we became one, my thoughts were his and his mine. For once I didn't need to understand what he was thinking and it wasn't important to him how it made me feel. All I know is that it was just happening and I didn't want it to stop.
It's made me even more excited for the visits, I'm hoping I haven't built it up too much but I can't wait to "speak" with him again. I'm trying to figure out ways how I can exploit this new line of communication. How I can get simple answers through the power of thumb wrestling. I'm open to suggestions.
He seemed a lot more awake and alert this morning than in the afternoon, but that seems par for the course at the moment. His eyes are tracking movements a lot more consistently than in the last couple of days and he is even moving is head to the direction of the sound. I found that he has more focus, ie less vacant and he's gripping more, even quite hard at times, almost like telling us that he still has strength and he's not giving up. We know that of course, but maybe he needs to remind us too. There was less thumb wrestling tonight, by the time I saw him, he'd already done 4 rounds with Janie, Dad and Mum so maybe he was all thumb wrestled out. His chest infection is all but gone and his throat tube has finally been removed, although he still had a bit of a cough up when both mum and I saw him this afternoon. I saw tears tonight, it was heartbreaking, i'm not sure if it was the pain of coughing or his emotions. I tried to distract him but it was making me upset and that wasn't helping. I didn't want to leave him tonight, I felt that there was more to say and do, 30 mins per day is so little time, it always feels so rushed, too much pressure to get some kind of reaction or response, you take anything that your given and you have to interpret it the best way you can. With any luck, he'll be moved into his own room very soon.
I write this update from a very odd place for me, but a familiar place for Justin as I'm sitting at his desk in his house, with his TV on in the background, Talo is asleep in his bed and Anita just made dinner on his stove which I don't believe he has ever used. The last time I was here was in April, I spent the night because we were having power and water problems at our other apartment. It was a Silent Noise night, since my dancing days are now over, I spent much of the night hanging around the DJ booth like a groupie. The season was drawing to a close, Justin was concerned about numbers but the place seemed pretty busy to me. Justin asked me to show some of my Parahawking movies on the big screens. Barney and Oz were mixing on the other channels, It was a great night, I remember feeling very proud of Justin, what he had created, how he'd stuck at it in the face of adversity, when others would have thrown in the towel. Justin's tenacity and sheer bloody mindedness kept him going, he believed in what he was doing and no-one was going to stop him, no matter what. That's who he is. I believed in him too as I believe in him now.
Justin gave up his bed to myself, Anita and Talo that night. I got home at about 4am, Justin rolled in at about 6pm, Talo woke up at 7pm and jumped all over Justin who was curled up on his sofa cushions covered in a sarong. He loves Talo and despite being hungover like a bastard with only 1 hour of "sleep" he just smiled at the sight of him. I remember thinking what a great brother I have, what a great uncle Talo has and what a big heart you have.
It's made me even more excited for the visits, I'm hoping I haven't built it up too much but I can't wait to "speak" with him again. I'm trying to figure out ways how I can exploit this new line of communication. How I can get simple answers through the power of thumb wrestling. I'm open to suggestions.
He seemed a lot more awake and alert this morning than in the afternoon, but that seems par for the course at the moment. His eyes are tracking movements a lot more consistently than in the last couple of days and he is even moving is head to the direction of the sound. I found that he has more focus, ie less vacant and he's gripping more, even quite hard at times, almost like telling us that he still has strength and he's not giving up. We know that of course, but maybe he needs to remind us too. There was less thumb wrestling tonight, by the time I saw him, he'd already done 4 rounds with Janie, Dad and Mum so maybe he was all thumb wrestled out. His chest infection is all but gone and his throat tube has finally been removed, although he still had a bit of a cough up when both mum and I saw him this afternoon. I saw tears tonight, it was heartbreaking, i'm not sure if it was the pain of coughing or his emotions. I tried to distract him but it was making me upset and that wasn't helping. I didn't want to leave him tonight, I felt that there was more to say and do, 30 mins per day is so little time, it always feels so rushed, too much pressure to get some kind of reaction or response, you take anything that your given and you have to interpret it the best way you can. With any luck, he'll be moved into his own room very soon.
I write this update from a very odd place for me, but a familiar place for Justin as I'm sitting at his desk in his house, with his TV on in the background, Talo is asleep in his bed and Anita just made dinner on his stove which I don't believe he has ever used. The last time I was here was in April, I spent the night because we were having power and water problems at our other apartment. It was a Silent Noise night, since my dancing days are now over, I spent much of the night hanging around the DJ booth like a groupie. The season was drawing to a close, Justin was concerned about numbers but the place seemed pretty busy to me. Justin asked me to show some of my Parahawking movies on the big screens. Barney and Oz were mixing on the other channels, It was a great night, I remember feeling very proud of Justin, what he had created, how he'd stuck at it in the face of adversity, when others would have thrown in the towel. Justin's tenacity and sheer bloody mindedness kept him going, he believed in what he was doing and no-one was going to stop him, no matter what. That's who he is. I believed in him too as I believe in him now.
Justin gave up his bed to myself, Anita and Talo that night. I got home at about 4am, Justin rolled in at about 6pm, Talo woke up at 7pm and jumped all over Justin who was curled up on his sofa cushions covered in a sarong. He loves Talo and despite being hungover like a bastard with only 1 hour of "sleep" he just smiled at the sight of him. I remember thinking what a great brother I have, what a great uncle Talo has and what a big heart you have.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Justin update - 13th July 2012
Thumb wrestling round 2 to Justin.
I could write a few words about how this made me feel but I couldn't do it justice. Everything that needs to be said is right here in this video.
C'MON JUSTIN...
C'MON JUSTIN...
C'MON JUSTIN...
I could write a few words about how this made me feel but I couldn't do it justice. Everything that needs to be said is right here in this video.
C'MON JUSTIN...
C'MON JUSTIN...
C'MON JUSTIN...
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Justin update - 12th July 2012
According to Wikipedia a thumb wrestle is "is a children's game played by two players in a tournament called a thumb-a-war (or thumb war) using the thumbs to simulate fighting…etc etc" Now I'm not totally sure or convinced myself, almost to the point of hesitating to write about it but, I may have found a way of being able to interact with Justin. It's early days, it may be nothing but It kind of felt like something today. Whist holding his hand, I could feel the gentle grip that I felt two days ago but this time Justin started to move his thumb around, I moved mine too and our thumbs met at the tips. It was a strange sensation because it felt completely intentional by both sides but I'm sure it was just a coincidence. He was still moving his thumb but I sensed that he could feel the pressure of my thumb against his. I responded with a little wiggle and for a brief moment we had our own mini thumb wrestle. I got the goosebumps!
There hasn't been any major neurological changes in the last couple of days. however we are satisfied with the small signs that we've been witness too. Mum has been feeling Justin's arms move and sharing comfort grips like I previously described and Dad and Janie even witnessed a little smile and a couple of eyebrow raises this morning. None of us are reading too much into it but I'm sure it was a relief to see a different expression on his face. I feel that when Justin is awake, his eyes are more open each day and he really seems to want to communicate something with his mouth. If you catch his gaze, he'll focus for a while then slowly drift away. A sound will alert him again and he'll even move his head towards the direction of the sound. The big news is that his chest infection is pretty much cleared up. He is coughing a lot less, in fact he didn't cough once during my afternoon visit today. This means that Justin could be moved out of ICU and into his own room within a couple of days. We asked Daz, Justin's friend to come and pay him a visit, thinking that maybe some familiar voices from his normal daily life would be a comfort to him, to reassure him that he's not in a strange place or even abducted by aliens. Honestly, who knows what he's thinking, It's the sort of thing that would cross my mind.
Thought for the day: Once you start doubting what's possible, it becomes more "doubtful", very quickly it becomes "unlikely". Before you know it's "improbable", "inconceivable", "unimaginable" and then suddenly you've reached "impossible". After that there's nowhere left to go. For all those that are hoping for Justin to recover, I would like to ask you to do more than hope. As hope contains an element of doubt, and you've seen what happens when you start thinking like that. If we all believe to the core that Justin will pull through and recover then there will be no doubt whatsoever that he will. Simple! Well in my head anyway.
C'MON JUSTIN...
There hasn't been any major neurological changes in the last couple of days. however we are satisfied with the small signs that we've been witness too. Mum has been feeling Justin's arms move and sharing comfort grips like I previously described and Dad and Janie even witnessed a little smile and a couple of eyebrow raises this morning. None of us are reading too much into it but I'm sure it was a relief to see a different expression on his face. I feel that when Justin is awake, his eyes are more open each day and he really seems to want to communicate something with his mouth. If you catch his gaze, he'll focus for a while then slowly drift away. A sound will alert him again and he'll even move his head towards the direction of the sound. The big news is that his chest infection is pretty much cleared up. He is coughing a lot less, in fact he didn't cough once during my afternoon visit today. This means that Justin could be moved out of ICU and into his own room within a couple of days. We asked Daz, Justin's friend to come and pay him a visit, thinking that maybe some familiar voices from his normal daily life would be a comfort to him, to reassure him that he's not in a strange place or even abducted by aliens. Honestly, who knows what he's thinking, It's the sort of thing that would cross my mind.
Thought for the day: Once you start doubting what's possible, it becomes more "doubtful", very quickly it becomes "unlikely". Before you know it's "improbable", "inconceivable", "unimaginable" and then suddenly you've reached "impossible". After that there's nowhere left to go. For all those that are hoping for Justin to recover, I would like to ask you to do more than hope. As hope contains an element of doubt, and you've seen what happens when you start thinking like that. If we all believe to the core that Justin will pull through and recover then there will be no doubt whatsoever that he will. Simple! Well in my head anyway.
C'MON JUSTIN...
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Justin update - 10th July 2012
As this crazy rollercoaster of emotions begins to plateau, we've come to realise that although there may have been one off moments where we have felt a connection between Justin's mind and body. We now accept that it's consistencies that really matter. Justin hasn't blinked when I've asked him to, neither has he moved his arm on my request. I'd like to think he understands me when I say "move your lips" but he'll move them anyway, even when I don't ask him, and I can't imagine him poking out his tongue even before the accident. He seems to be able to move his arms beyond mere reflex, yesterday he was gripping onto the side of the bed rail and he definitely couldn't do that a few days ago. Today as I arrived at his bedside, the (pretty) nurse appeared almost immediately, "He smiled today" She gushed, taking me completely by surprise, "WHAT!" was my verbal reaction, while I was actually thinking "I bet he smiled, the cheeky bugger". "Yes" she repeated, "he smiled at me". We tried to get him to smile again but couldn't. I'd have loved to have seen it, it would have made my day.
When one finds it difficult to communicate with loved ones through the normal channels, one has to find other ways. Today was the closest I have felt to receiving some kind of real signal from Justin since the accident, a sign that he not only knows that we are here but to also remind us that he is in there too. His eyes were open, more open than at any other time, he was moving his lips, but no sound was coming from him. I simply lifted his hand and placed it in mine and looked him deep in the eye, but said nothing. We held a gaze, probably the longest so far and I felt a vibration, a tremor in his arm, his expression changed, a slight tension moved across his brow and his top lip quivered. I felt an intensity that I had not felt before and it was coming from Justin, not me. I closed my eyes, I could feel myself welling up and at that moment I felt his hand squeeze my fist. We held that gentle grip for several minutes, neither of us wanted to let go. I wanted to savour it, capture it, so I quickly took this photo.
A misinterpretation? A fluke? Wishful thinking? Delusional even? not likely, not this time.
C'MON JUSTIN!
When one finds it difficult to communicate with loved ones through the normal channels, one has to find other ways. Today was the closest I have felt to receiving some kind of real signal from Justin since the accident, a sign that he not only knows that we are here but to also remind us that he is in there too. His eyes were open, more open than at any other time, he was moving his lips, but no sound was coming from him. I simply lifted his hand and placed it in mine and looked him deep in the eye, but said nothing. We held a gaze, probably the longest so far and I felt a vibration, a tremor in his arm, his expression changed, a slight tension moved across his brow and his top lip quivered. I felt an intensity that I had not felt before and it was coming from Justin, not me. I closed my eyes, I could feel myself welling up and at that moment I felt his hand squeeze my fist. We held that gentle grip for several minutes, neither of us wanted to let go. I wanted to savour it, capture it, so I quickly took this photo.
A misinterpretation? A fluke? Wishful thinking? Delusional even? not likely, not this time.
C'MON JUSTIN!
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Justin update - 8th July 2012
Through the writing of my updates, not only do I find this to be a cathartic process but I'm also attempting to provide an honest and complete overview of Justin's day to day progress. As we settle in for the long haul, I'm trying to remain factual and insightful without allowing my personal emotions, experiences or expectations to cloud the overall picture.
Whilst Justin remains in ICU, our visiting time is limited to two 1 hour visits per day, since there are 4 of us, these are split into 2 pairs so each person essentially has 30 minutes each with Justin. In the last couple days, that time is generally spent looking for small responses to commands, such as "blink" "Squeeze the hand" "poke out the tongue" "move your lips" etc, simple but important commands that will give a real indication of his level of comprehension.
Justin's behaviour can differ from one visit to the next, he can be awake and more aware in the morning, then asleep and non responsive in the afternoon, and visa versa. He's also receiving intensive physio which is taking it's toll on his body and mind, he's generally more tired after the physio so less likely to respond to anything. We're all looking for signs and we're all using different tactics to arouse his senses, none of us know what's working and what isn't. It's a guessing game at best. Talking loudly or shouting seems to get his eyes to open, once his eyes are open, he'll then try to communicate by moving his lips, sometimes you can hear a faint mumble sometimes nothing, he'll blink involuntarily but not on command, he'll retract his arms as a response to pain, but I'm doubtful that he's moving them as a response to a command, he'll push and pull against you during physio but won't squeeze my hand when I ask him. It's consistencies we're looking for but just not really getting at the moment.
It's impossible to assess his minute by minute behaviour without being there next to him 24 hours a day. There may be a lot going on in our absence, we have to rely on the nurses to be present when these things take place. That said, the nurses are brilliant and are always ready to inform us on what's been happening and how Justin has been "responding" during the long periods between visits.
There was cause for some celebrations this morning when Janie and Dad returned from the hospital. It seemed a breakthrough had been made when Justin winced in pain when his left arm was raised, then croaked "Yeah" when Janie asked him if it hurt. The nurses tried to get him to do it again for Dad but he didn't, he did however give Justin a bit of an arm wrestle and Dad felt some strength in him which he really needed to see. You can imagine Mums excitement on the way to the hospital for the afternoon visit, if he can say "yes" then surely he can say "mum". I couldn't think of anything I'd rather see or here at the moment. But alas it wasn't to be, Justin was "asleep" for the most part and only managed a lip mumble and an arm pull for her. He pretty much did the same for me, I had to really wake him up too which he didn't look that pleased about. I think next time i'll whisper in his ear "Where's that money you owe me?" he'll probably jump up and run out of the hospital.
With all the will in world, the managing of ones expectations is probably one of the hardest of things to do in this situation as you can imagine. These are all new skills that we're trying hard to master, we're doing our best, and through my updates, I'm also attempting to make sure you all do the same. At the end of the day, we all want Justin back and we'd all like it sooner rather than later, but in the words of Bruce Lee who seems to sum it up perfectly...
"I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you're not in this world to live up to mine"
… and Bruce Lee is the man so enough said.
C'MON JUSTIN
Whilst Justin remains in ICU, our visiting time is limited to two 1 hour visits per day, since there are 4 of us, these are split into 2 pairs so each person essentially has 30 minutes each with Justin. In the last couple days, that time is generally spent looking for small responses to commands, such as "blink" "Squeeze the hand" "poke out the tongue" "move your lips" etc, simple but important commands that will give a real indication of his level of comprehension.
Justin's behaviour can differ from one visit to the next, he can be awake and more aware in the morning, then asleep and non responsive in the afternoon, and visa versa. He's also receiving intensive physio which is taking it's toll on his body and mind, he's generally more tired after the physio so less likely to respond to anything. We're all looking for signs and we're all using different tactics to arouse his senses, none of us know what's working and what isn't. It's a guessing game at best. Talking loudly or shouting seems to get his eyes to open, once his eyes are open, he'll then try to communicate by moving his lips, sometimes you can hear a faint mumble sometimes nothing, he'll blink involuntarily but not on command, he'll retract his arms as a response to pain, but I'm doubtful that he's moving them as a response to a command, he'll push and pull against you during physio but won't squeeze my hand when I ask him. It's consistencies we're looking for but just not really getting at the moment.
It's impossible to assess his minute by minute behaviour without being there next to him 24 hours a day. There may be a lot going on in our absence, we have to rely on the nurses to be present when these things take place. That said, the nurses are brilliant and are always ready to inform us on what's been happening and how Justin has been "responding" during the long periods between visits.
There was cause for some celebrations this morning when Janie and Dad returned from the hospital. It seemed a breakthrough had been made when Justin winced in pain when his left arm was raised, then croaked "Yeah" when Janie asked him if it hurt. The nurses tried to get him to do it again for Dad but he didn't, he did however give Justin a bit of an arm wrestle and Dad felt some strength in him which he really needed to see. You can imagine Mums excitement on the way to the hospital for the afternoon visit, if he can say "yes" then surely he can say "mum". I couldn't think of anything I'd rather see or here at the moment. But alas it wasn't to be, Justin was "asleep" for the most part and only managed a lip mumble and an arm pull for her. He pretty much did the same for me, I had to really wake him up too which he didn't look that pleased about. I think next time i'll whisper in his ear "Where's that money you owe me?" he'll probably jump up and run out of the hospital.
With all the will in world, the managing of ones expectations is probably one of the hardest of things to do in this situation as you can imagine. These are all new skills that we're trying hard to master, we're doing our best, and through my updates, I'm also attempting to make sure you all do the same. At the end of the day, we all want Justin back and we'd all like it sooner rather than later, but in the words of Bruce Lee who seems to sum it up perfectly...
"I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you're not in this world to live up to mine"
… and Bruce Lee is the man so enough said.
C'MON JUSTIN
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Justin update - 7th July 2012
It's been a long day for some reason, no longer than usual but feels a bit drawn out. I'm a little tired tonight and can't quite articulate what I am feeling.
I've spent a lot of time recently trying to figure out what's going on inside Justin's head, what thoughts he's having, how the mechanics of his brain are working, healing, fixing, reconnecting, re-routing, re-adjusting. Can he see us? Can he hear us? What can he see and hear? What can he really understand? How much comprehension has he really got? If he has no comprehension of anything, what must that be like. The only way we can relate to this concept is thinking back to being a baby, seeing the outside world for the first time. It's a scary thought and one can analyse this a bit too much. Anita explained this well in her post yesterday… "Not knowing very much about what is going on in Justin’s head is perhaps not that different either to the situation before the accident" She's right of course, she somehow always is!
Since I can't really get my head around that fact that it's possible to lose all comprehension of everything. I prefer to think that he has some and is aware of his surroundings, he can hear, see and even understand a little about what is going on. We have seen evidence of this over the last few days. Today he was "sleeping" less, the doctors have said he has had his eyes open more and has been making increasing attempts to communicate with his lips. They are also cautious and quick to point out that this could just be a mumble or sound and not necessarily actual words. We won't know until he has his throat tube removed. He seemed more alert in the afternoon visit and Janie experienced a series of consistent responses to her commands, so much so that the doctor asked her to continue to repeat what she was doing so he could see for himself. She was clearly delighted when she returned from the hospital, as were we all. Again the doctors will want to see more simple instructions being followed like the poking out of the tongue, something that they seem to ask him to do every day but hasn't managed yet. I tried to show Justin what to do so he could see, then I thought maybe he can't understand what the doctor's saying at all and all he can see is his brother poking his tongue out at him. I felt bad!
He had a bit a fever last night again but that has come down now, he also has a slight chest infection which is a concern to the doctors but they were happy to reassure us that he is responding to the antibiotics and believe they will get it under control. Infections particularly in the chest is common place with patients that have been on ventilator support. What didn't really help was being in the GMC for several days after, breathing in all the dirty, contaminated air. On the last day of ward 108, a maintenance man came around with a ladder and started dusting all of the fans, right above Justin's head, crazy! Justin is also a smoker or now an ex-smoker, so naturally he is producing a lot of the secretions in his lungs which are also susceptible to infection. The doctors are not treating this as serious but it is a priority to clear this infection so he can be moved out of ICU and into his own room.
From a neurological stand point, according to the doctor, Justin improving, it may be only 1%, 2% or 5% per day but he's on the right track and for that we should be thankful.
Justin knows that he's not alone in this, he knows that we are all here for him, he can feel the enormous amount of energy flooding his way and one should never feel there their efforts are futile or immaterial. Whatever healing powers are being projected towards Justin, he is matching that 10 fold and more. He will never want to let anyone down including himself, keep believing in him, but also keep believing in yourself.
C'MON JUSTIN...
I've spent a lot of time recently trying to figure out what's going on inside Justin's head, what thoughts he's having, how the mechanics of his brain are working, healing, fixing, reconnecting, re-routing, re-adjusting. Can he see us? Can he hear us? What can he see and hear? What can he really understand? How much comprehension has he really got? If he has no comprehension of anything, what must that be like. The only way we can relate to this concept is thinking back to being a baby, seeing the outside world for the first time. It's a scary thought and one can analyse this a bit too much. Anita explained this well in her post yesterday… "Not knowing very much about what is going on in Justin’s head is perhaps not that different either to the situation before the accident" She's right of course, she somehow always is!
Since I can't really get my head around that fact that it's possible to lose all comprehension of everything. I prefer to think that he has some and is aware of his surroundings, he can hear, see and even understand a little about what is going on. We have seen evidence of this over the last few days. Today he was "sleeping" less, the doctors have said he has had his eyes open more and has been making increasing attempts to communicate with his lips. They are also cautious and quick to point out that this could just be a mumble or sound and not necessarily actual words. We won't know until he has his throat tube removed. He seemed more alert in the afternoon visit and Janie experienced a series of consistent responses to her commands, so much so that the doctor asked her to continue to repeat what she was doing so he could see for himself. She was clearly delighted when she returned from the hospital, as were we all. Again the doctors will want to see more simple instructions being followed like the poking out of the tongue, something that they seem to ask him to do every day but hasn't managed yet. I tried to show Justin what to do so he could see, then I thought maybe he can't understand what the doctor's saying at all and all he can see is his brother poking his tongue out at him. I felt bad!
He had a bit a fever last night again but that has come down now, he also has a slight chest infection which is a concern to the doctors but they were happy to reassure us that he is responding to the antibiotics and believe they will get it under control. Infections particularly in the chest is common place with patients that have been on ventilator support. What didn't really help was being in the GMC for several days after, breathing in all the dirty, contaminated air. On the last day of ward 108, a maintenance man came around with a ladder and started dusting all of the fans, right above Justin's head, crazy! Justin is also a smoker or now an ex-smoker, so naturally he is producing a lot of the secretions in his lungs which are also susceptible to infection. The doctors are not treating this as serious but it is a priority to clear this infection so he can be moved out of ICU and into his own room.
From a neurological stand point, according to the doctor, Justin improving, it may be only 1%, 2% or 5% per day but he's on the right track and for that we should be thankful.
Justin knows that he's not alone in this, he knows that we are all here for him, he can feel the enormous amount of energy flooding his way and one should never feel there their efforts are futile or immaterial. Whatever healing powers are being projected towards Justin, he is matching that 10 fold and more. He will never want to let anyone down including himself, keep believing in him, but also keep believing in yourself.
C'MON JUSTIN...
Friday, July 6, 2012
Justin update - 6th July 2012
I think that we can all have a small celebration today, a little fist clenching "YESSS" will do the trick. You know the kind you do when England score a goal, a small victory but you know you're still a long way from the final whistle, and anything can happen! That's what I did when Janie and Dad returned from their morning visit. It seemed that Justin, who has "slept" through most of our visits since being at the Nusi, finally decided to open his eyes again when Janie asked him to, then very so lightly squeezed her hand. Dad also experienced a similar reaction when he was with him and even saw Justin try to communicate something with his lips. He's done this before but for some reason it seemed more real this time. He's probably saying "What the fuck was I doing on the set of MASH for so long"
It's important to not get too carried away though, Janie spoke to the Doctor about the latest developments, he was cautious but confident that repeat signs of a similar nature would clearly signify that his responses and awareness are SLOWLY coming back. We'll stick it in the bank thank you very much and watch that grow with interest!
As promised yesterday, I shaved off my hair in solidarity. It was getting a bit long anyway since Jessica is not around to cut it. There are many symbolic meanings behind the shaving of ones head, in many religious practices it's considered an act of devotion. Well there's no question about that in my case, but I did it because like many people, I just wanted to look like Justin. Simple! It's not completely bald, Justin's is about a 5 so I went for the same. Now i'm not suggesting that we all go out and shave our heads but if you are planning on a new look, get the clippers out and dedicate it to our man on the front line, he'd like that!
I was excited to see him for the afternoon visit, especially after hearing about the morning's mini breakthrough. Mum, Anita and Talo came too, Anita hadn't seen him up to today and as much as Talo would love to see Justin and climb all over him, he's too young and not even allowed in the visiting section of the hospital. Mum went in first, typically Justin was "asleep" again, I say asleep because he looks so peaceful and rested but it's important to know that he is still very much in a coma. Periods of eyes opening, voluntary movement of limbs, squeezing of the hand and attempts to communicate are all signs of a rising towards some level of consciousness. What is difficult to tell at this stage is how much comprehension he has or will have when he wakes. Only time will tell and for that we are keeping everything crossed. In some ways, it's more comforting to see him asleep, or at least with his eyes closed. He doesn't look so confused, he has a placid expression on his face a look of calmness, as if to say, "I'm healing, leave me be, just for now" Needless to say that Mum wasn't treated to a little hand squeeze, in fact neither was I when it was my turn.
They were still doing some physio with him when I entered, that didn't wake him either. I tried my special "C'MON JUSTIN" healing mantra but I couldn't quite dig deep enough for some reason, there seemed to be a bit more going on in there than usual. Before I knew it, I was being asked to leave by the security nurse who thought that my time was up and Anita wanted in. Well Anita did want to see him but not at the expense of my time with him, the nurse got a bit confused. Anyway Anita spent some quality time with Justin for the first time since our wedding in April where Justin was my best man. She has a calming nature and a gentle touch so i'm sure Justin was pleased to see her. She did have to witness the chest clearing which gave her some insight as to what we had to deal with when we were extras on the set of MASH ward 108. We left Justin listening to a playlist of some of mine and his favourite artists, with a few random tunes thrown in that just might jolt his senses, does that make me a bad person?
Justin and I chose to live slightly alternative lives, well according the "Book of Options" when leaving Mayesbrook Comprehensive School in Dagenham. Of course there is no such book because quite frankly there were not that many options. We both had stints in banking on leaving school but gradually worked towards doing jobs we enjoyed such as working in the music business in various different forms. Eventually we promoted ourselves to choosing lifestyles that would satisfy our desire to be free from corporate England. I remember skimming through a book once by a philosopher named Juji Krishnamurti. I can't really remember what the book was about but the essence of his teaching was "Do what makes you happy to do, and you will do right" that phrase changed my life, I decided to leave the rat race and stride on through as many open doors as I could find.
Several years on, during Justin's best man speech at mine and Anita's wedding, he reminded me of something that I once said to him, "Do what makes you happy to do, then figure out a way of making a living out of it". I eventually went on to train birds of prey to fly with Paragliders in Nepal and he went on to become a pioneering DJ. We both love our lives but it comes at a price and we have had to make a number of sacrifices. Being away from our old friends and families is one of the hardest to bare but on a practical level can also have massive consequences. One of these consequences is that when it goes wrong, it goes royally wrong. We would be in a whole different situation if this accident would have happened at home in the UK. As a loving family we have found ourselves in a difficult situation with very few options. On the one hand, yes Justin did receive free medical carte, the government hospital saved his life but beyond that, in order for him to have the best chance of survival, he had to be moved to the facility where he is now. With no option to fly him back home to the UK for several months, this is where he will stay, and that comes at a price.
Our friend Max Chandra has taken it upon himself to help alleviate the financial burden that Justin's recovery and rehabilitation will have. Max has set up a CareForJustin campaign to raise funds for Justin's healing and we can't thank him enough for his efforts. This is difficult for me to do as I have always been someone who can pay my way but ultimately this is not for me, all we want is what's best for Justin. I know that many of Justin's friends old and new, near and far want to see Justin back up on his feet again so if you would like to help, please contact Max - careforjustin@gmail.com - Max will guide you through the process in complete confidence.
All that's really left to say is…
C'MON JUSTIN...
It's important to not get too carried away though, Janie spoke to the Doctor about the latest developments, he was cautious but confident that repeat signs of a similar nature would clearly signify that his responses and awareness are SLOWLY coming back. We'll stick it in the bank thank you very much and watch that grow with interest!
As promised yesterday, I shaved off my hair in solidarity. It was getting a bit long anyway since Jessica is not around to cut it. There are many symbolic meanings behind the shaving of ones head, in many religious practices it's considered an act of devotion. Well there's no question about that in my case, but I did it because like many people, I just wanted to look like Justin. Simple! It's not completely bald, Justin's is about a 5 so I went for the same. Now i'm not suggesting that we all go out and shave our heads but if you are planning on a new look, get the clippers out and dedicate it to our man on the front line, he'd like that!
I was excited to see him for the afternoon visit, especially after hearing about the morning's mini breakthrough. Mum, Anita and Talo came too, Anita hadn't seen him up to today and as much as Talo would love to see Justin and climb all over him, he's too young and not even allowed in the visiting section of the hospital. Mum went in first, typically Justin was "asleep" again, I say asleep because he looks so peaceful and rested but it's important to know that he is still very much in a coma. Periods of eyes opening, voluntary movement of limbs, squeezing of the hand and attempts to communicate are all signs of a rising towards some level of consciousness. What is difficult to tell at this stage is how much comprehension he has or will have when he wakes. Only time will tell and for that we are keeping everything crossed. In some ways, it's more comforting to see him asleep, or at least with his eyes closed. He doesn't look so confused, he has a placid expression on his face a look of calmness, as if to say, "I'm healing, leave me be, just for now" Needless to say that Mum wasn't treated to a little hand squeeze, in fact neither was I when it was my turn.
They were still doing some physio with him when I entered, that didn't wake him either. I tried my special "C'MON JUSTIN" healing mantra but I couldn't quite dig deep enough for some reason, there seemed to be a bit more going on in there than usual. Before I knew it, I was being asked to leave by the security nurse who thought that my time was up and Anita wanted in. Well Anita did want to see him but not at the expense of my time with him, the nurse got a bit confused. Anyway Anita spent some quality time with Justin for the first time since our wedding in April where Justin was my best man. She has a calming nature and a gentle touch so i'm sure Justin was pleased to see her. She did have to witness the chest clearing which gave her some insight as to what we had to deal with when we were extras on the set of MASH ward 108. We left Justin listening to a playlist of some of mine and his favourite artists, with a few random tunes thrown in that just might jolt his senses, does that make me a bad person?
Justin and I chose to live slightly alternative lives, well according the "Book of Options" when leaving Mayesbrook Comprehensive School in Dagenham. Of course there is no such book because quite frankly there were not that many options. We both had stints in banking on leaving school but gradually worked towards doing jobs we enjoyed such as working in the music business in various different forms. Eventually we promoted ourselves to choosing lifestyles that would satisfy our desire to be free from corporate England. I remember skimming through a book once by a philosopher named Juji Krishnamurti. I can't really remember what the book was about but the essence of his teaching was "Do what makes you happy to do, and you will do right" that phrase changed my life, I decided to leave the rat race and stride on through as many open doors as I could find.
Several years on, during Justin's best man speech at mine and Anita's wedding, he reminded me of something that I once said to him, "Do what makes you happy to do, then figure out a way of making a living out of it". I eventually went on to train birds of prey to fly with Paragliders in Nepal and he went on to become a pioneering DJ. We both love our lives but it comes at a price and we have had to make a number of sacrifices. Being away from our old friends and families is one of the hardest to bare but on a practical level can also have massive consequences. One of these consequences is that when it goes wrong, it goes royally wrong. We would be in a whole different situation if this accident would have happened at home in the UK. As a loving family we have found ourselves in a difficult situation with very few options. On the one hand, yes Justin did receive free medical carte, the government hospital saved his life but beyond that, in order for him to have the best chance of survival, he had to be moved to the facility where he is now. With no option to fly him back home to the UK for several months, this is where he will stay, and that comes at a price.
Our friend Max Chandra has taken it upon himself to help alleviate the financial burden that Justin's recovery and rehabilitation will have. Max has set up a CareForJustin campaign to raise funds for Justin's healing and we can't thank him enough for his efforts. This is difficult for me to do as I have always been someone who can pay my way but ultimately this is not for me, all we want is what's best for Justin. I know that many of Justin's friends old and new, near and far want to see Justin back up on his feet again so if you would like to help, please contact Max - careforjustin@gmail.com - Max will guide you through the process in complete confidence.
All that's really left to say is…
C'MON JUSTIN...
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Justin update - 5th July 2012
It's a 40 min drive to the Nusi Wockhardt, I already know the road well by now but it's difficult to relax on the journey. This is now the second night that Justin has been "alone" or without his family around him. At least when we were there, we felt like we were doing something, probably all the wrong things. But the staff at the Nusi are incredible, so attentive and caring. We are put straight at ease the minute we walk into the building. Justin has his physio session before we arrive this is to prevent muscle atrophy and to keep his joints from stiffening. It's an hour work out and must be physically exhausting, by the time we get to see him he is fast asleep. He's seems to be sleeping more now whereas the last couple of days in the GMC he was showing more signs of being awake and conscious. In fact, the doctor reassured us that he is more relaxed and at peace as opposed to the stress and anxiety that he was under before. He certainly looks a lot better for it and one can only imagine that this will have a positive impact on the overall healing process. There are times during the day when he opens his eyes but I would imagine that this is not due to disturbances as before, but more a gentle awakening of the senses and that can only be a good thing.
We have restructured the visits whist Justin is in ICU to allow for more time per person and less faces throughout the day. It's important that we don't overload his senses and we all feel more comfortable that we're not rushing our precious time with him. He's allowed to listen to music, even when sleeping so I played him some Doors, he's always considered himself a bit of a Jim Morrison character. One of his nurses came over and asked me if he'd been in accident. "Sorry" I replied, "Yes, an accident" she said. Now I have to confess that I would stoop to sarcasm on any other occasion but she was being genuinely nice so I said, "yes, a little accident", pursing my lips. Then she said, "Yes I noticed he has a scar on his thumb, bolts in his ankle, another scar on his nose…" Bless her! She didn't even mention his broken collar bone.
I asked if they could shave the rest of his hair off, I know it's a small thing but for those of you that know him, I'm sure you will agree that he would not be a happy soldier if he knew he had 2 very different hairstyles going on. I'm going to shave mine off tomorrow in solidarity. Wish me luck!
After the visit I had a brief consultation with Justin's Neurologist. He's a serious chap as one would expect. He peers at you over his glasses which rest precariously on the bridge of his nose with is sleepy half open eyes. I was a little worried at first as he didn't exactly give us the best of news yesterday. In fact he was a little bit more positive. When Justin arrived there, they very much treated his case as an emergency, here's a patient that is in coma, has a fever, clearly anxious and quite frankly looked a bit worse for wear. This plus the severity of Justin's condition was conveyed to us in a very matter of fact and some would say brutal way. Now it seems they are satisfied that Justin is out of the danger zone, more settled in his surroundings, fever under control or almost gone and generally more relaxed, even showing signs of improvement. The doctors have a very clever way of easing you in, he was settling us in for the long haul but we knew that already. Justin may be in this hospital for a few months, but from where we are now, I'm prepared for the wait because it will be worth it in the end.
Thanks for all the encouraging comments on my updates. I don't consider myself to be the most prolific writer, in fact far from it. I've made a couple of attempts at keeping a blog in the past but failed miserably to maintain it. This however is different, I feel compelled to share this story, it will be the most amazing story. The love and support for Justin has reaffirmed my faith in humanity and it's only fair that you all share in the glory of it. I've never felt compelled to unravel my thoughts, certainly not in this way, but writing this story is helping me make sense of it all in the best way that I never knew I could. But ultimately this is not for me but for Justin, the strength I get from expressing myself through these updates and the encouraging words I receive from you all fuels a belief in Justin that is so strong it's impossible to describe. Justin and I are not only connected by blood but we are connected by our souls, it's a brotherly relationship without flaw, a love and friendship that is without any doubt, perfect in every way.
Now, I've never given much thought to lot of these alternative healing techniques. It's not that I don't believe in them, I prefer to remain agnostic, but I'll try anything once. So given that nobody was watching, I thought I'd make up my own version. As Justin lay peacefully asleep, I placed my left hand on his forehead and closed my eyes. I started to repeat the mantra, C'MON JUSTIN… C'MON JUSTIN… over and over in my mind, it got stronger and louder, until I could feel the chant engulf me, I could feel it and hear it from the terraces of the running track and the auditorium of the Judo dojo and I felt it rise up and pass straight through me. Maybe I was just having a "judder" moment but it was our moment, we shared it and felt it together and that's what brotherly love is all about.
C'MON JUSTIN...
We have restructured the visits whist Justin is in ICU to allow for more time per person and less faces throughout the day. It's important that we don't overload his senses and we all feel more comfortable that we're not rushing our precious time with him. He's allowed to listen to music, even when sleeping so I played him some Doors, he's always considered himself a bit of a Jim Morrison character. One of his nurses came over and asked me if he'd been in accident. "Sorry" I replied, "Yes, an accident" she said. Now I have to confess that I would stoop to sarcasm on any other occasion but she was being genuinely nice so I said, "yes, a little accident", pursing my lips. Then she said, "Yes I noticed he has a scar on his thumb, bolts in his ankle, another scar on his nose…" Bless her! She didn't even mention his broken collar bone.
I asked if they could shave the rest of his hair off, I know it's a small thing but for those of you that know him, I'm sure you will agree that he would not be a happy soldier if he knew he had 2 very different hairstyles going on. I'm going to shave mine off tomorrow in solidarity. Wish me luck!
After the visit I had a brief consultation with Justin's Neurologist. He's a serious chap as one would expect. He peers at you over his glasses which rest precariously on the bridge of his nose with is sleepy half open eyes. I was a little worried at first as he didn't exactly give us the best of news yesterday. In fact he was a little bit more positive. When Justin arrived there, they very much treated his case as an emergency, here's a patient that is in coma, has a fever, clearly anxious and quite frankly looked a bit worse for wear. This plus the severity of Justin's condition was conveyed to us in a very matter of fact and some would say brutal way. Now it seems they are satisfied that Justin is out of the danger zone, more settled in his surroundings, fever under control or almost gone and generally more relaxed, even showing signs of improvement. The doctors have a very clever way of easing you in, he was settling us in for the long haul but we knew that already. Justin may be in this hospital for a few months, but from where we are now, I'm prepared for the wait because it will be worth it in the end.
Thanks for all the encouraging comments on my updates. I don't consider myself to be the most prolific writer, in fact far from it. I've made a couple of attempts at keeping a blog in the past but failed miserably to maintain it. This however is different, I feel compelled to share this story, it will be the most amazing story. The love and support for Justin has reaffirmed my faith in humanity and it's only fair that you all share in the glory of it. I've never felt compelled to unravel my thoughts, certainly not in this way, but writing this story is helping me make sense of it all in the best way that I never knew I could. But ultimately this is not for me but for Justin, the strength I get from expressing myself through these updates and the encouraging words I receive from you all fuels a belief in Justin that is so strong it's impossible to describe. Justin and I are not only connected by blood but we are connected by our souls, it's a brotherly relationship without flaw, a love and friendship that is without any doubt, perfect in every way.
Now, I've never given much thought to lot of these alternative healing techniques. It's not that I don't believe in them, I prefer to remain agnostic, but I'll try anything once. So given that nobody was watching, I thought I'd make up my own version. As Justin lay peacefully asleep, I placed my left hand on his forehead and closed my eyes. I started to repeat the mantra, C'MON JUSTIN… C'MON JUSTIN… over and over in my mind, it got stronger and louder, until I could feel the chant engulf me, I could feel it and hear it from the terraces of the running track and the auditorium of the Judo dojo and I felt it rise up and pass straight through me. Maybe I was just having a "judder" moment but it was our moment, we shared it and felt it together and that's what brotherly love is all about.
C'MON JUSTIN...
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Justin update - 4th July 2012
Day 2 back in ICU but this time Justin is not fighting to save his old life, he's striving forward to hopefully embrace the new one that he's currently fighting so hard for.
I can't tell you how relieved I am, we all are, that he is now in the Nusi but my heart goes out to all of the patients and their families that we left behind on ward 108. Many of them were fighting the very same battles that we were, some had been in there weeks, maybe even longer. Their families and loved ones weren't sleeping on padded quilts and fluffed up pillows. They didn't have computers, Facebook accounts and 1000's of friends to draw strength from and it's unlikely that they would ever have the option to move their patients to the Nusi Wockhart private hospital. Mums, dads, brothers, sisters aunts and uncles kept their 24 hour round the clock vigils, they slept under a sarong on the hard hospital floor, they never once complained about the conditions, and the love they had for their charges was no less important than the love we have for Justin.
I may have made light hearted jokes about the "bag lady", but I'll always be grateful to her son and daughter who helped us when we had no idea what to do with the food cups or how we were supposed to clean the throat suction tube. Then there was "mister shouty" across to the left. He spent much of the time in obvious discomfort, struggling to keep still and would spend the entire time discarding his bed sheets, only for his mum to patiently place them back over him again. She did this the whole time we were there, she never left his side once. Last but not least there was "mr whoopy" behind us. Whenever he coughed, his throat tube would whistle like one of those party blowout whistles, it made us giggle every time it went off but then we'd be punished for laughing as Justin would cough and we would have to suck out the secretion from his own throat tube, which was the worst part of the whole experience.
They and the rest of the other 40 odd patients are probably still there, some will walk out of ward 108 and make a full recovery whilst others may never leave the ward alive. My hat goes off to their families, who are made of stronger stuff than me that's for sure, and my hearts goes out to the bag lady, mr shouty, mr whoopy and all on ward 108, I now feel your pain and that of your families, I wish you all a speedy recovery. Looking across the ward, everyone had their own story to tell but all share one thing in common and that includes Justin. Their lives were saved by the incredible Doctors there and for that I will always be truly grateful.
I only got to see Justin the once this morning, we arrived just after his physio therapy session, he was tired but looked fresh in the face. The staff had shaved him and spruced him up a little, and somehow managed to make him look even younger than he already does. In fact, as we were leaving the Goa Medical College, the doctor asked me to confirm his age for the discharge sheet. 42 I replied, he looked at me in disbelief, then asked me how old I was. 40 I replied. "So he's your OLDER brother then" he quipped. I thought bloody cheek, he's been asleep for 2 weeks sucking on pure oxygen, we'd all look that young if that was us. It's not the first time I have been confused for being the oldest, I'm used to it now.
Justin will remain in ICU for a couple of days while they monitor him, he has a slight fever for which he's being treated, this is standard practice when moving this type of patient to their facility. I didn't go to the evening visit as I had to collect Anita and Talo from the airport but according to mum, dad and Janie, he looked comfortable. His eyes were open for some of the time and he seemed to be reacting a little such as a slight squeeze of the hand and movement of the lips. All good signs of progress in my book.
When I first heard of the accident, a horrible thought crossed my mind. I never imagined that I would ever have to tell my kids about my beloved brother, their fun uncle Justin, who they never knew. Well that day will never come, Talo loves Justin and I can't wait till the day when Justin can hold him again and tell him he loves him back.
I can't tell you how relieved I am, we all are, that he is now in the Nusi but my heart goes out to all of the patients and their families that we left behind on ward 108. Many of them were fighting the very same battles that we were, some had been in there weeks, maybe even longer. Their families and loved ones weren't sleeping on padded quilts and fluffed up pillows. They didn't have computers, Facebook accounts and 1000's of friends to draw strength from and it's unlikely that they would ever have the option to move their patients to the Nusi Wockhart private hospital. Mums, dads, brothers, sisters aunts and uncles kept their 24 hour round the clock vigils, they slept under a sarong on the hard hospital floor, they never once complained about the conditions, and the love they had for their charges was no less important than the love we have for Justin.
I may have made light hearted jokes about the "bag lady", but I'll always be grateful to her son and daughter who helped us when we had no idea what to do with the food cups or how we were supposed to clean the throat suction tube. Then there was "mister shouty" across to the left. He spent much of the time in obvious discomfort, struggling to keep still and would spend the entire time discarding his bed sheets, only for his mum to patiently place them back over him again. She did this the whole time we were there, she never left his side once. Last but not least there was "mr whoopy" behind us. Whenever he coughed, his throat tube would whistle like one of those party blowout whistles, it made us giggle every time it went off but then we'd be punished for laughing as Justin would cough and we would have to suck out the secretion from his own throat tube, which was the worst part of the whole experience.
They and the rest of the other 40 odd patients are probably still there, some will walk out of ward 108 and make a full recovery whilst others may never leave the ward alive. My hat goes off to their families, who are made of stronger stuff than me that's for sure, and my hearts goes out to the bag lady, mr shouty, mr whoopy and all on ward 108, I now feel your pain and that of your families, I wish you all a speedy recovery. Looking across the ward, everyone had their own story to tell but all share one thing in common and that includes Justin. Their lives were saved by the incredible Doctors there and for that I will always be truly grateful.
I only got to see Justin the once this morning, we arrived just after his physio therapy session, he was tired but looked fresh in the face. The staff had shaved him and spruced him up a little, and somehow managed to make him look even younger than he already does. In fact, as we were leaving the Goa Medical College, the doctor asked me to confirm his age for the discharge sheet. 42 I replied, he looked at me in disbelief, then asked me how old I was. 40 I replied. "So he's your OLDER brother then" he quipped. I thought bloody cheek, he's been asleep for 2 weeks sucking on pure oxygen, we'd all look that young if that was us. It's not the first time I have been confused for being the oldest, I'm used to it now.
Justin will remain in ICU for a couple of days while they monitor him, he has a slight fever for which he's being treated, this is standard practice when moving this type of patient to their facility. I didn't go to the evening visit as I had to collect Anita and Talo from the airport but according to mum, dad and Janie, he looked comfortable. His eyes were open for some of the time and he seemed to be reacting a little such as a slight squeeze of the hand and movement of the lips. All good signs of progress in my book.
When I first heard of the accident, a horrible thought crossed my mind. I never imagined that I would ever have to tell my kids about my beloved brother, their fun uncle Justin, who they never knew. Well that day will never come, Talo loves Justin and I can't wait till the day when Justin can hold him again and tell him he loves him back.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Justin update - 3rd July 2012
I'm going to keep this short as I'm pretty tired and desperately need to sleep.
We finally moved Justin out of the government hospital today at approx 12 noon and arrived at the Nusi Wockhardt hospital at about 12.45pmn. Justin was taken straight into ICU for assessment and we felt a huge weight lifted from our shoulders. I'm confident that he is in good hands now. We had a brief consultation with the neurosurgeon who filled us in on Justin's condition and articulated it in a way that we could all understand. This was the first time that the full details and the severity of Justin's situation has been laid down in front of us. It was very difficult to hear and left us feeling completely deflated.
However, this overview was based on a mere 5 min check and the discharge notes provided by the Doctors at the Goa Medical College, so until he has completed his full assessment, we're trying to remain positive. We'll get the full picture in 24 to 48 hours once all the tests have come back.
We left Justin tonight, the first night he has been alone since leaving the ICU at the GMC, we all feel terrible as we've been caring for him round the clock for the last 5 days now. He looked at peace when I saw him to say goodbye and to reassure him that we'll be coming back tomorrow morning. He looked me straight in the eye and tried to mutter something to me. I wish I could understand what he's trying to say, I can only imagine what must be going through his mind at the moment. I hope he sleeps well anyway, he looked a lot more comfortable than he has done in the last several days. We are all shattered, Janie and I haven't slept for 4 days, mum and dad are exhausted from doing long daytime stints. I hope we all get some rest, tomorrow is a new day, a new start for Justin and my belief in him is as strong if not stronger than ever.
C'MON JUSTIN!
We finally moved Justin out of the government hospital today at approx 12 noon and arrived at the Nusi Wockhardt hospital at about 12.45pmn. Justin was taken straight into ICU for assessment and we felt a huge weight lifted from our shoulders. I'm confident that he is in good hands now. We had a brief consultation with the neurosurgeon who filled us in on Justin's condition and articulated it in a way that we could all understand. This was the first time that the full details and the severity of Justin's situation has been laid down in front of us. It was very difficult to hear and left us feeling completely deflated.
However, this overview was based on a mere 5 min check and the discharge notes provided by the Doctors at the Goa Medical College, so until he has completed his full assessment, we're trying to remain positive. We'll get the full picture in 24 to 48 hours once all the tests have come back.
We left Justin tonight, the first night he has been alone since leaving the ICU at the GMC, we all feel terrible as we've been caring for him round the clock for the last 5 days now. He looked at peace when I saw him to say goodbye and to reassure him that we'll be coming back tomorrow morning. He looked me straight in the eye and tried to mutter something to me. I wish I could understand what he's trying to say, I can only imagine what must be going through his mind at the moment. I hope he sleeps well anyway, he looked a lot more comfortable than he has done in the last several days. We are all shattered, Janie and I haven't slept for 4 days, mum and dad are exhausted from doing long daytime stints. I hope we all get some rest, tomorrow is a new day, a new start for Justin and my belief in him is as strong if not stronger than ever.
C'MON JUSTIN!
Justin update - 3rd July 2012
Well it didn't quite go according to plan. Justin is not lying peacefully under crisp white sheets, there is not a waft of cool air billowing out of the aircon unit, there is no aircon unit. In fact there is very little air at all or water for that matter. Yep you guessed it, the move didn't happen and so we're still in ward 108 for one more night at least.
It's now 3.15am and Janie is standing over Justin stroking his arm, he's been drifting in and out of sleep for most of the day, when he's awake, he seems more alert than yesterday but he's had a tough day. The doctors felt that that they wanted to remove his stitches and throat pipe before discharging him which is fair enough, it's better that it's done sooner rather that later so we agreed to wait another day. It's an anxious time all round, we can see Justin slowly come back to us and we all know that the process will take some time but it doesn't stop us wanting it quicker. Mum and dad took over from Janie and myself at about 11.am and have spent much of the day with him, Dad cracked a joke at one point and is convinced he saw a wry smile from Justin, we tried it again tonight and saw a similar look. Who knows, he hasn't got a great deal to smile about but it was nice to see a different expression on his face for a brief moment.
I feel like all progress is on hold until we can move him to the private hospital. The hospital is called the Nusi, it has an excellent reputation and is the best place for him in Goa. The Government hospitals in India are there to provide the most basic level of care in the most dreadful conditions imaginable. On my morning trip to the canteen, I was met with a dog shit in the corridor, I didn't tread in it but someone already had, god knows where they had walked it. When I returned to the ward there seemed to be a hive of activity. Nurses were running around handing out blue pyjamas to the patience, many of whom are in a coma with similar head injuries to Justin. Sheets were being changed with a new enthusiasm that we hand't witnessed, someone even came round to mop the floor, the first time in 4 days, a maintenance man wandered casually around the beds waving an adjustable spanner, and the doctors donned their white overalls covering up their normal jeans and t-shirts. It turns out it was inspection day. I suggested to the matron that they clean the toilets and get some running water, she saw the funny side and laughed. She is now our friend and even commended us on how well we are caring for Justin, we'll take all the praise we can get at the moment, we're doing our best but it's really not good enough and that is tough to accept when thats all we have at the moment.
My heart is breaking at the sight of Justin lying there, he was always my heroic older brother who was the best at everything he did. I spent my childhood chasing records and achievements that he set but never once got disappointed that I couldn't better him. I was just proud to call him my older brother.
I am so humbled by all the love and support from friends, old and new, near and far and even strangers. It's been staggering to think that so many people from all over the world are thinking about Justin and wishing him a speedy recovery. I left Nepal last Friday morning leaving Anita with birds to care for, a business to run, a building project to manage and a baby to look after, thanks to those that have helped her out, It won't be forgotten, Justin is her family too. Since being here we have been showered with love from Susan and Sinead who have housed us, fed us and pretty much done everything we have needed and more. And now Max who has just told me about the fund raising campaign to help pay for Justin's medical expenses. I can't tell you how much this means to me, my family and Janie. All we want is for Justin to have the best possible chance to recover who doesn't want that for their family and loved ones.
For now, we are bedding down down for night, we've just turned Justin onto his right side, he seems comfortable for now but it's difficult to tell. He just made a small murmur, the first sound he's made since he told Janie that he had a headache on the way to the hospital last Wednesday morning.
C'MON JUSTIN!
It's now 3.15am and Janie is standing over Justin stroking his arm, he's been drifting in and out of sleep for most of the day, when he's awake, he seems more alert than yesterday but he's had a tough day. The doctors felt that that they wanted to remove his stitches and throat pipe before discharging him which is fair enough, it's better that it's done sooner rather that later so we agreed to wait another day. It's an anxious time all round, we can see Justin slowly come back to us and we all know that the process will take some time but it doesn't stop us wanting it quicker. Mum and dad took over from Janie and myself at about 11.am and have spent much of the day with him, Dad cracked a joke at one point and is convinced he saw a wry smile from Justin, we tried it again tonight and saw a similar look. Who knows, he hasn't got a great deal to smile about but it was nice to see a different expression on his face for a brief moment.
I feel like all progress is on hold until we can move him to the private hospital. The hospital is called the Nusi, it has an excellent reputation and is the best place for him in Goa. The Government hospitals in India are there to provide the most basic level of care in the most dreadful conditions imaginable. On my morning trip to the canteen, I was met with a dog shit in the corridor, I didn't tread in it but someone already had, god knows where they had walked it. When I returned to the ward there seemed to be a hive of activity. Nurses were running around handing out blue pyjamas to the patience, many of whom are in a coma with similar head injuries to Justin. Sheets were being changed with a new enthusiasm that we hand't witnessed, someone even came round to mop the floor, the first time in 4 days, a maintenance man wandered casually around the beds waving an adjustable spanner, and the doctors donned their white overalls covering up their normal jeans and t-shirts. It turns out it was inspection day. I suggested to the matron that they clean the toilets and get some running water, she saw the funny side and laughed. She is now our friend and even commended us on how well we are caring for Justin, we'll take all the praise we can get at the moment, we're doing our best but it's really not good enough and that is tough to accept when thats all we have at the moment.
My heart is breaking at the sight of Justin lying there, he was always my heroic older brother who was the best at everything he did. I spent my childhood chasing records and achievements that he set but never once got disappointed that I couldn't better him. I was just proud to call him my older brother.
I am so humbled by all the love and support from friends, old and new, near and far and even strangers. It's been staggering to think that so many people from all over the world are thinking about Justin and wishing him a speedy recovery. I left Nepal last Friday morning leaving Anita with birds to care for, a business to run, a building project to manage and a baby to look after, thanks to those that have helped her out, It won't be forgotten, Justin is her family too. Since being here we have been showered with love from Susan and Sinead who have housed us, fed us and pretty much done everything we have needed and more. And now Max who has just told me about the fund raising campaign to help pay for Justin's medical expenses. I can't tell you how much this means to me, my family and Janie. All we want is for Justin to have the best possible chance to recover who doesn't want that for their family and loved ones.
For now, we are bedding down down for night, we've just turned Justin onto his right side, he seems comfortable for now but it's difficult to tell. He just made a small murmur, the first sound he's made since he told Janie that he had a headache on the way to the hospital last Wednesday morning.
C'MON JUSTIN!
Monday, July 2, 2012
Justin update - 2nd July 2012
This is Justin's third night in ward 108 and our last of sleeping on the floor next to him and the bag lady to my right, bless her. Her bag 'o' wee is full to bursting, I'm worried that my un-manicured toe nails will nick it in the night and flood our sleeping quarters. We are expected to empty our own bags, her family have been slacking somewhat on the maintenance. They have however kindly shifted her bed over a couple of inches, it has made all the difference, Janie and I can now lay together side by side quite comfortably.
Not that we are sleeping, Justin seems restless, it's one of the hottest nights so far and he's sweating and agitated. He's also becoming more aware of his surroundings and naturally getting more anxious. Justin has been known to come around from an operation and within minutes discharge himself whilst still pulling the wadding from his nose. It's unlikely to happen here but that's who we're dealing with. Like yesterday, he has spent much of the day with his eyes open, he is tracking movements, people, objects, he's even trying to move his lips as if to speak, he can't of course as he still has the tube in his throat. We're really hoping that once this is removed, we'll here a whisper pass his lips. Who knows what he'll say.
5 minutes ago, Janie mopped his brow, Justin looked at her and squeezed her hand, I think this is the first time that he has done this voluntarily, a huge sign that his motor skills are returning. As his 24 hour nursing care, we are expected to do pretty much everything that is required, this includes clearing out his lungs and preventing the build up of secretion. Of all the things we have to do, this is the most distressing for both Justin and myself. It involves beating Justin's chest with cupped hands quite hard, then leaning him forward and repeating this on his back. We then lie him back down, put a tube down his throat pipe and suck out the secretion, He clearly hates it and looks in total discomfort. It's heartbreaking to see him displaying those emotions. I've found it's better to place a cloth over his eyes when we do this. This way, he doesn't have to see who is doing it to him and we don't have to watch him hate us as we do it. It may seem slightly cruel but It's just like hooding a falcon :)
A decision was made earlier today to move Justin to the private hospital tomorrow around mid day, we simply can't keep him in this ward a minute longer than we have to. The doctors here have done a great job saving his life but when it comes to aftercare, you are very much on your own. the conditions are truly shocking, It feels like we are on that TV program "Banged up abroad" Justin is the main suspect and we are all guilty by association. I took some pictures of the toilet earlier, I had planned to post them here but I actually can't bring myself to, they are that bad. There has been no running water in the toilet now for 2 days, can you believe it!
A big day looms tomorrow, a journey to new beginnings for Justin. I can't wait to see him laying under clean sheets in a private aircon room being taken care of by proper qualified nurses 24 hours per day. Lets face it, he deserves nothing less.
Not that we are sleeping, Justin seems restless, it's one of the hottest nights so far and he's sweating and agitated. He's also becoming more aware of his surroundings and naturally getting more anxious. Justin has been known to come around from an operation and within minutes discharge himself whilst still pulling the wadding from his nose. It's unlikely to happen here but that's who we're dealing with. Like yesterday, he has spent much of the day with his eyes open, he is tracking movements, people, objects, he's even trying to move his lips as if to speak, he can't of course as he still has the tube in his throat. We're really hoping that once this is removed, we'll here a whisper pass his lips. Who knows what he'll say.
5 minutes ago, Janie mopped his brow, Justin looked at her and squeezed her hand, I think this is the first time that he has done this voluntarily, a huge sign that his motor skills are returning. As his 24 hour nursing care, we are expected to do pretty much everything that is required, this includes clearing out his lungs and preventing the build up of secretion. Of all the things we have to do, this is the most distressing for both Justin and myself. It involves beating Justin's chest with cupped hands quite hard, then leaning him forward and repeating this on his back. We then lie him back down, put a tube down his throat pipe and suck out the secretion, He clearly hates it and looks in total discomfort. It's heartbreaking to see him displaying those emotions. I've found it's better to place a cloth over his eyes when we do this. This way, he doesn't have to see who is doing it to him and we don't have to watch him hate us as we do it. It may seem slightly cruel but It's just like hooding a falcon :)
A decision was made earlier today to move Justin to the private hospital tomorrow around mid day, we simply can't keep him in this ward a minute longer than we have to. The doctors here have done a great job saving his life but when it comes to aftercare, you are very much on your own. the conditions are truly shocking, It feels like we are on that TV program "Banged up abroad" Justin is the main suspect and we are all guilty by association. I took some pictures of the toilet earlier, I had planned to post them here but I actually can't bring myself to, they are that bad. There has been no running water in the toilet now for 2 days, can you believe it!
A big day looms tomorrow, a journey to new beginnings for Justin. I can't wait to see him laying under clean sheets in a private aircon room being taken care of by proper qualified nurses 24 hours per day. Lets face it, he deserves nothing less.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Justin update - 1st July 2012
We are now on our second night of Ward life 108 and again Janie and I have settled into our makeshift sleeping quarters sandwiched in between Justin's bed and the poor old lady to my right. Her brain drain bag hangs to my right, brushing my shoulder as I type and her bag 'o' wee is tickling my left foot, It's oh so glamourous. Please forgive me for I am trying to make light of what really is quite a dire situation. The matron has just been round, she scowls at us every time she see us, we are expected to be Justin's 24 hour nurse care and with zero preparation we are simply at loss as to what we are supposed to be doing. There are 3 nurses to approx 50 patients, in essence, they are massively understaffed and overworked. We are learning new skills every minute.
As for Justin, he has spent the majority of the day with his eyes open, he is still not fully conscious so it's hard to say how aware he is of whats going on. This is really hard to see, on the one hand all we have been doing over the last week is willing him to open his eyes, now that he has, we are starting to see the confusion in them. We want him to get to the next step as quickly as possible but we know that after 8 days of deep coma, the process of coming out of it is not going to be like waking up from a deep sleep.
According to the Doctors, his coma scale has improved and considering where he was only 4 days ago, they seem satisfied with his progress. They really don't give much else away but they are happy to release Justin on Monday if we decide to move him to the private hospital. We're just weighing up the risks of keeping him here for a few more days against the stress of the 90min journey by ambulance. His fever has now completely gone and we are working towards removing the breathing tube and closing his throat, that would be nice to see.
Mum and Dad spent all day with him today, they will again relieve us of our duties tomorrow morning at about 9am. In the meantime, Justin is sound asleep, even snoring a little, this is quite comforting to see and actually i'm even a little envious. It's now 1.00am, the nurses will be around at 5.00am.
As for Justin, he has spent the majority of the day with his eyes open, he is still not fully conscious so it's hard to say how aware he is of whats going on. This is really hard to see, on the one hand all we have been doing over the last week is willing him to open his eyes, now that he has, we are starting to see the confusion in them. We want him to get to the next step as quickly as possible but we know that after 8 days of deep coma, the process of coming out of it is not going to be like waking up from a deep sleep.
According to the Doctors, his coma scale has improved and considering where he was only 4 days ago, they seem satisfied with his progress. They really don't give much else away but they are happy to release Justin on Monday if we decide to move him to the private hospital. We're just weighing up the risks of keeping him here for a few more days against the stress of the 90min journey by ambulance. His fever has now completely gone and we are working towards removing the breathing tube and closing his throat, that would be nice to see.
Mum and Dad spent all day with him today, they will again relieve us of our duties tomorrow morning at about 9am. In the meantime, Justin is sound asleep, even snoring a little, this is quite comforting to see and actually i'm even a little envious. It's now 1.00am, the nurses will be around at 5.00am.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Justin update - 29th June 2012
I write this update whilst Janie and I sit at Justin's bedside in ward 108 Goa Medical College. It's 10.45pm, we are doing the night shift, the first of the 24 hour round the clock vigil that we will keep for him until further notice. But don't be alarmed, he's just taken a deep breath, independent of any breathing apparatus which he has now been free from since yesterday afternoon. He's sleeping now but only a moment ago, he opened his eyes for about the 5th time today, not fully but voluntarily. The fist time he did it was as we were shifting him from the trolly onto the ward bed. He looked, not through us but straight into Dad's eyes, and then into mine. He was clearly confused as one would be and tried to communicate something to us. His lips moved slightly but no sounds came out. He's done this a few more times since and again only moments ago. We can't tell you how elated we are, it's the first sign that there is some light in his eyes and the start of him regaining consciousness.
We are so grateful for the Doctors here that saved his life, the care that they provided in ICU was amazing but the ward is an entirely different animal. The plan now is to pray that the next 24 to 48 hours goes by without any problems then we can start the process of getting him moved to the private hospital. At least there we won't have to sleep on the floor of the ward only feet away from the the adjacent patients hanging urine bag.
Wish Justin, Janie and Myself a good nights sleep, I have a feeling that Justin will sleep like a log, Janie and I on the other hand… not so much.
We are so grateful for the Doctors here that saved his life, the care that they provided in ICU was amazing but the ward is an entirely different animal. The plan now is to pray that the next 24 to 48 hours goes by without any problems then we can start the process of getting him moved to the private hospital. At least there we won't have to sleep on the floor of the ward only feet away from the the adjacent patients hanging urine bag.
Wish Justin, Janie and Myself a good nights sleep, I have a feeling that Justin will sleep like a log, Janie and I on the other hand… not so much.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Justin update - 27th June 2012
I have to admit, this is getting harder and harder now. I feel like I want to report on every tiny change, good or bad. As time goes on, we feel that with every passing minute he's getting closer and closer to waking up or taking the next leap forward whatever that may be. The reality is that although there has been some flickers of hope, movement of his arms and legs, another attempt at opening his eyes and even a yawn, yes a yawn the cheeky bugger! But alas there has been no major improvement in terms of how the doctors are evaluating his level of consciousness. He is now back on the ventilator as his breathing wasn't consistent enough for him to breath independently, which means he remains in ICU for now at least.
We shouldn't feel disappointed, his condition has not worsened that's for sure. We are now on day 7 since the accident and he's still very much with us. He's just have a little breather before he moves forward to the next level.
I personally am finding a lot of comfort and reassurance in hearing and reading about inspiring and amazing recovery stories, not random ones from the Internet but from friends experiences. I won't mention names here, you know who you are, thanks for sending them. I read them over and over, please keep them coming, you can message them to me. They really do give me hope and strength, which I need to pass on to Justin twice a day.
Dad and I had two sessions with him today, Dad has a very calming influence over Justin, a man of few words, they are both equally happy to sit in each others company, in silence and just let the world go by, a very special bond indeed.
I played Justin some more Doors in the morning and then at the request of Barney, some Snow Patrol, starting with the track "Open Your Eyes". He didn't so I played him "Maybe Tomorrow" by the Stereophonics.
We shouldn't feel disappointed, his condition has not worsened that's for sure. We are now on day 7 since the accident and he's still very much with us. He's just have a little breather before he moves forward to the next level.
I personally am finding a lot of comfort and reassurance in hearing and reading about inspiring and amazing recovery stories, not random ones from the Internet but from friends experiences. I won't mention names here, you know who you are, thanks for sending them. I read them over and over, please keep them coming, you can message them to me. They really do give me hope and strength, which I need to pass on to Justin twice a day.
Dad and I had two sessions with him today, Dad has a very calming influence over Justin, a man of few words, they are both equally happy to sit in each others company, in silence and just let the world go by, a very special bond indeed.
I played Justin some more Doors in the morning and then at the request of Barney, some Snow Patrol, starting with the track "Open Your Eyes". He didn't so I played him "Maybe Tomorrow" by the Stereophonics.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Justin update - 26th June 2012
The last couple of days have been a time of realising and accepting that the process is going to "take some time" in the words of the Doctors, without letting go of the absolute belief that Justin will pull through. I've said this before here, Justin has never done anything, unless it's in his own time, you can imagine how frustrating that was for mum and dad when we were kids. When he did eventually get around to doing anything, he would always be the first and best at it. You can imagine how frustrating that was for me when we were kids.
We were given some good news yesterday, he was now able to breath on his own which meant that he could be moved out of the ICU. He still had a slight fever but that seemed to be going down and the doctors were waiting for the results of the blood test to determine the cause. He was going to be removed from the ventilator support yesterday, however they found that he was still finding it a struggle to breath completely on his own. Because of this they have now been able to conclude that an area of the brain that affects the body temperature and breathing has still not quite recovered from the swelling. So again, this will take a little more time for that area to heal once the swelling has completely subsided. Considering just 3 days ago he had a high fever and was totally dependant on the ventilator support when can take this as a good sign that it's healing. In addition, it's also good that the fever is not caused by an infection of some sorts.
This morning I was lucky enough to be present when the Dr performed the "pinch" test, in fact he did more that a little pinch, he really twisted his nipple then was poking him in the eye, I was even wincing in pain. Its sounds horrible but this is all necessary to determine Justin's motor responses. Justin is really reacting to the pinching and even opening his eyes, in fact, he had his eyes half open and was blinking when we went in, this was great for Dad to see. What the Dr is really looking for is for Justin to clench his fist, as this is not so much a reflex but more a voluntary reaction to the pain. I think Justin will do more than just clench his fist when he finds out who's been twisting his nipple.
I played him some more Doors and left while Dad got to spend some time alone with him, this is the first time they have had a chance to be alone together since they arrived here. Dad and Justin are very much alike, I think out of everything today, this was the most important thing, for both of them.
We were given some good news yesterday, he was now able to breath on his own which meant that he could be moved out of the ICU. He still had a slight fever but that seemed to be going down and the doctors were waiting for the results of the blood test to determine the cause. He was going to be removed from the ventilator support yesterday, however they found that he was still finding it a struggle to breath completely on his own. Because of this they have now been able to conclude that an area of the brain that affects the body temperature and breathing has still not quite recovered from the swelling. So again, this will take a little more time for that area to heal once the swelling has completely subsided. Considering just 3 days ago he had a high fever and was totally dependant on the ventilator support when can take this as a good sign that it's healing. In addition, it's also good that the fever is not caused by an infection of some sorts.
This morning I was lucky enough to be present when the Dr performed the "pinch" test, in fact he did more that a little pinch, he really twisted his nipple then was poking him in the eye, I was even wincing in pain. Its sounds horrible but this is all necessary to determine Justin's motor responses. Justin is really reacting to the pinching and even opening his eyes, in fact, he had his eyes half open and was blinking when we went in, this was great for Dad to see. What the Dr is really looking for is for Justin to clench his fist, as this is not so much a reflex but more a voluntary reaction to the pain. I think Justin will do more than just clench his fist when he finds out who's been twisting his nipple.
I played him some more Doors and left while Dad got to spend some time alone with him, this is the first time they have had a chance to be alone together since they arrived here. Dad and Justin are very much alike, I think out of everything today, this was the most important thing, for both of them.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Justin update - 25th June 2012
With so much riding on this morning, our expectations were high, maybe a little too high. There was just so little information coming from the Doctors over the weekend it was really frustrating for all of us, especially mum and dad who have only just arrived and have suddenly been confronted with the magnitude and severity of the situation.
The morning visits have always been more rewarding in that in the last few sessions we feel that there has been some significant progress and even some milestones. We went there feeling that today was going to be another good day. All we want him to do is to open his eyes, maybe we all want this a bit too much, maybe it's just too much to ask at this stage, who knows, we don't and nobody is telling us what to expect.
We had arranged that only 2 of us were going to get to see him this morning but we managed to wangle it so we all got to be with him for a bit. I was really pleased as I'd stood aside to allow mum and Janie to be with him for the full session. He looked peaceful again, his fever had gone down again and he is now breathing 100% on his own. In fact the ventilator support will be removed entirely, I think this is happening today. This means that he can come out of ICU and into a ward. There is some debate as to whether the ward is the best place for him. Our plan was to move him to the private hospital once he could breath on his own. However we have been strongly advised against this by the head of the neurological dept, he still has a fever and needs more time off the ventilator support. Since he will have to be moved out of ICU now he's off the ventilator, we agreed the ward is the best place for him at the moment. It also means that we can spend more time with him. The plan is still to move him to a private hospital but only when he's ready.
I played him some music, today was The Doors as he likes a bit of Jim Morrison. He was clenching his hand at one point and dad asked him to hold his and it looked like he unclenched so that dad could hold his hand. His eyes are still flickering/blinking too but there was no clear sign that he's ready to wake up just yet. The doctors don't see that as a huge sign anyway, in fact they are looking for more motor responses such as grabbing the doctor when they do the pinch test. I felt like telling the doctor that he'll do more than just grab you when he finds out who's been pinching him while he's been asleep, The was the first chance that we had a real proper consultation with the Dr so I didn't want to scare him.
We're going back in a couple of hours, I've got a bit of a cold coming to I don't think I should see him, especially as he's still fighting the fever.
As we left, I picked up my iphone and I could here the verse
Well, I've been down so Goddamn long
That it looks like up to me
Well, I've been down so very damn long
That it looks like up to me
Yeah, why don't one you people
C'mon and set me free
I left it to play out.
The morning visits have always been more rewarding in that in the last few sessions we feel that there has been some significant progress and even some milestones. We went there feeling that today was going to be another good day. All we want him to do is to open his eyes, maybe we all want this a bit too much, maybe it's just too much to ask at this stage, who knows, we don't and nobody is telling us what to expect.
We had arranged that only 2 of us were going to get to see him this morning but we managed to wangle it so we all got to be with him for a bit. I was really pleased as I'd stood aside to allow mum and Janie to be with him for the full session. He looked peaceful again, his fever had gone down again and he is now breathing 100% on his own. In fact the ventilator support will be removed entirely, I think this is happening today. This means that he can come out of ICU and into a ward. There is some debate as to whether the ward is the best place for him. Our plan was to move him to the private hospital once he could breath on his own. However we have been strongly advised against this by the head of the neurological dept, he still has a fever and needs more time off the ventilator support. Since he will have to be moved out of ICU now he's off the ventilator, we agreed the ward is the best place for him at the moment. It also means that we can spend more time with him. The plan is still to move him to a private hospital but only when he's ready.
I played him some music, today was The Doors as he likes a bit of Jim Morrison. He was clenching his hand at one point and dad asked him to hold his and it looked like he unclenched so that dad could hold his hand. His eyes are still flickering/blinking too but there was no clear sign that he's ready to wake up just yet. The doctors don't see that as a huge sign anyway, in fact they are looking for more motor responses such as grabbing the doctor when they do the pinch test. I felt like telling the doctor that he'll do more than just grab you when he finds out who's been pinching him while he's been asleep, The was the first chance that we had a real proper consultation with the Dr so I didn't want to scare him.
We're going back in a couple of hours, I've got a bit of a cold coming to I don't think I should see him, especially as he's still fighting the fever.
As we left, I picked up my iphone and I could here the verse
Well, I've been down so Goddamn long
That it looks like up to me
Well, I've been down so very damn long
That it looks like up to me
Yeah, why don't one you people
C'mon and set me free
I left it to play out.
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