Justin update - 20th July 2012

I still find myself crying about 5 times a day, not wailing like widow at a funeral, just welling up, lump in the throat, quivery lip, watery eyes. I'm actually in a better state emotionally than I thought I would be to be honest. Nothing prepares you for you this kind of event, nothing at all. You have to dig deep and draw strength from places that you never knew you had and learn new skills that you never imagined you would need. I've always considered myself to be a strong person, to be able to cope with most situations that life throws at you, but this has put it all into perspective. I cry now, partly because it's still so difficult to see our irrepressible Justin lying there so seemingly helpless, we are all still facing the reality of what has happened and what challenges lie ahead, but more so, because I'm so in awe of Justin's immeasurable strength and determination. It takes me aback every day I see him, I'm overwhelmed with emotion when I witness the slightest of improvement from the previous day, a raised eyebrow, a smile, a simple command followed. I'm filled with pride when I look into his eyes and I see the sheer grit and will power that is driving his recovery forward. I would never have chosen to be a part of this experience, not in a million years, but since I am, I feel privileged to be a witness to it. I'm welling up now even writing about it.

Justin has now been out of ICU for 3 days and I feel that we can finally put that episode of his life behind us. Since then Justin has made some real leaps and bounds, partly because we're all now able to spend a lot more time with him but mainly because he's becoming aware of his surroundings and knows that this is where his recovery will move forward. The hospital and the nurses are absolutely first class here. Even though we keep a 24 hour vigil, it's not mandatory but the nurses are never far away and are always popping in to do something. I think they've all taken a bit of a shine to him, who wouldn't. He knows how to work that smile and this morning he gave me the biggest one yet when I played him a video clip of Barney, Oz and Karan at Wembley, it gave me goosebumps and brought a lump to my throat for the 3rd time today already.

As you know, I've been cautious about reporting on significant changes or improvements, at least until I can either witness them for myself or confirm that they can be repeated. I've done this because I've been trying to give a balanced overview of Justin's progress. As his brother, this has been one of the hardest things to do but I feel that it's important to keep things in perspective, not just for us but for the hundreds of people that love and care about Justin who aren't here to witness things on a day to day basis. It's helping me cope, I hope I've got the balance right.

In the last 2 days, I've seen Justin much more awake with eyes wide open. When he's awake he's more focused and actually wants to engage in interactions. When talking to him, I feel that he can understand us if we speak slowly and clearly. He'll even follow simple commands and will happily nod his head for a Yes and shake it for a No. I don't believe he understands the questions all the time though, It’s clearly taking a lot of time and effort for the messages to compute then to relay some kind of response. There is still a lot mumbling and it's getting louder but I’ve still not heard him say a sentence or phrase, although I have witnessed how the nurses use suggestive techniques to try to get him to mimic sounds, then congratulate him when his mumbled sounds like the sound or phrase that they suggest. This makes sense to me, since Justin is clearly having thoughts and believes that he is conveying those thoughts to us in a language that we should be able to understand, it’s then important for us to reinforce that, otherwise he may become more confused and even give up trying. Of course I'm no expert here but these are merely my observations.

Justin is known for his great repertoire of facial expressions and in the last 2 days, especially today, I've seen him use them more and more. We're even having our own little conversations just using the expressions, mainly the raised eyebrows "What to do?" as if to say "I've really gone and done it this time" expression, it's brilliant to see as it sort of suggests that he has an understanding of what's happened and where he is, in fact I'm convinced of it. Strangely the thumb wrestling has been sidelined, he still does if coerced but it's almost like he's saying, "Been there, done that, now lets move on to something more challenging". Justin doesn't shy away from a bit of hard graft, so this morning the nurses and I put him through his paces during the physio session. We're trying to get him to focus on his right side, since his left side of the brain is damaged. He is currently refusing to acknowledge his right side, his head and eye movements are all focused on the left side. Anyhow, he did show signs of resistance in both his right arm and leg so it's something to work on. His left side however is improving daily and will now consistently follow simple commands as you can see from the video.

One of the best things about the last couple of days is seeing Justin sitting up on the edge of the bed. Ok so even though he didn't get there by himself, I'm sure it's a relief not to be lying down the whole time. Apart from being great exercise for his neck and back muscles, it makes a huge difference to his morale. You should have seen the look on mums face when she walked through the door to see me and Justin sitting side by side on the bed with our arms round each other, absolutely priceless. It's remarkable to think that just 4 weeks ago he was fighting for his life, now he's perched on the edge of the bed, albeit with a bit of assistance, taking sips of water from a cup while all I can manage is to wipe a tear away from my cheek and raise an eyebrow in sheer wonderment.

C'MON JUSTIN…