As this crazy rollercoaster of emotions begins to plateau, we've come to realise that although there may have been one off moments where we have felt a connection between Justin's mind and body. We now accept that it's consistencies that really matter. Justin hasn't blinked when I've asked him to, neither has he moved his arm on my request. I'd like to think he understands me when I say "move your lips" but he'll move them anyway, even when I don't ask him, and I can't imagine him poking out his tongue even before the accident. He seems to be able to move his arms beyond mere reflex, yesterday he was gripping onto the side of the bed rail and he definitely couldn't do that a few days ago. Today as I arrived at his bedside, the (pretty) nurse appeared almost immediately, "He smiled today" She gushed, taking me completely by surprise, "WHAT!" was my verbal reaction, while I was actually thinking "I bet he smiled, the cheeky bugger". "Yes" she repeated, "he smiled at me". We tried to get him to smile again but couldn't. I'd have loved to have seen it, it would have made my day.
When one finds it difficult to communicate with loved ones through the normal channels, one has to find other ways. Today was the closest I have felt to receiving some kind of real signal from Justin since the accident, a sign that he not only knows that we are here but to also remind us that he is in there too. His eyes were open, more open than at any other time, he was moving his lips, but no sound was coming from him. I simply lifted his hand and placed it in mine and looked him deep in the eye, but said nothing. We held a gaze, probably the longest so far and I felt a vibration, a tremor in his arm, his expression changed, a slight tension moved across his brow and his top lip quivered. I felt an intensity that I had not felt before and it was coming from Justin, not me. I closed my eyes, I could feel myself welling up and at that moment I felt his hand squeeze my fist. We held that gentle grip for several minutes, neither of us wanted to let go. I wanted to savour it, capture it, so I quickly took this photo.
A misinterpretation? A fluke? Wishful thinking? Delusional even? not likely, not this time.
C'MON JUSTIN!
When one finds it difficult to communicate with loved ones through the normal channels, one has to find other ways. Today was the closest I have felt to receiving some kind of real signal from Justin since the accident, a sign that he not only knows that we are here but to also remind us that he is in there too. His eyes were open, more open than at any other time, he was moving his lips, but no sound was coming from him. I simply lifted his hand and placed it in mine and looked him deep in the eye, but said nothing. We held a gaze, probably the longest so far and I felt a vibration, a tremor in his arm, his expression changed, a slight tension moved across his brow and his top lip quivered. I felt an intensity that I had not felt before and it was coming from Justin, not me. I closed my eyes, I could feel myself welling up and at that moment I felt his hand squeeze my fist. We held that gentle grip for several minutes, neither of us wanted to let go. I wanted to savour it, capture it, so I quickly took this photo.
A misinterpretation? A fluke? Wishful thinking? Delusional even? not likely, not this time.
C'MON JUSTIN!
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